Update

I am still trying to figure out each time just which blog I should write on. I try to categorize, am I writing about melanoma or life as a widow or dealing with Brian's death, or am I writing about normal kid things. Anyway, I still don't have it straight yet. If you saw the other blog recently, I talked about Tye wanting to go to the cemetery. I decided tonight to do some updating on here about a few things that have happened this week, even though some of it does have to do with Brian.

It took several days to get to "Daddy's Garden". Each time, Tye would change his mind. We went the other night after being at Wal-Mart, and he had conned me into a drink. He hopped out of the van and carried his drink over and checked things out. He thought it was interesting that the grass was shorter all around Brian and Mom's graves. I pointed out that Papa weed eats to keep it cleaned up! He climbed up on Brian's headstone and just sighed. Then he said...you sit on your mom's too. So I sat on my mom's headstone, and we looked at the clouds, which had kind of an orangy purple color with the sun shining just right. He drank his drink and we talked. He turned around the opposite way on the headstone. Brian and Mom are buried at the edge of the cemetery near a field. He said...I'm pretty sure they planted corn here last year, but now it looks like soybeans. Then he climbed down and went over to the edge of the field, shook his head and said...hmm, looks good. Then he told me he thought he should call Papa Phillip to see how his soybeans are doing.

Then we walked up a few graves to where my grandparents and my Uncle Gary are buried. Tye put his hands on his hips and said...hmm, the grass is shorter here too! Maybe someone weed eated this! I said...well, Papa did this too because these are my grandparents, and this is Grammie's brother. He looked shocked and said...you have a grandpa? Then he straightened a few things on Gary's grave, and off we went.

He announced that he wanted a daddy pillow for school. I was caught off guard and totally didn't even think about making one out of one of Brian's t-shirts. I got some Royals fleece and a pre-made pillow, and this little Susie Homemaker whipped up a pretty decent pillow! I surprised myself even! This morning when I showed him, he squeezed it and then said...it doesn't smell like Daddy! I said...well, ok, what do you want to do? He went and got Brian's cologne and sprayed it, then smiled and sniffed the air. He had a look on his face like Heaven, like he was smelling chocolate chip cookies or something. It was heartbreaking and precious. He picked Brian's favorite Jeff Gordon shirt for his paint shirt at school.

I am very excited that he could incorporate some things of Brian's for kindergarten. It is bittersweet because I so wish it wasn't my kid who had to settle for the smell of his Daddy or an old shirt to be close to him. These things seem to make him very happy right now, and it feels good for him not to be so sad about Daddy. He was very excited to show his teacher too!

He has slept in his own bed for FOUR nights now! Wow! If you don't know, he has slept with me since Brian died. Most of it was for him, some of it was for me. I have tried to transition him back, but it hasn't worked. I am working really hard this time, and so far so good. He has enjoyed Amberlea climbing into bed with him to snuggle on a few nights, but last night she wasn't here, so he went to sleep on his own! The night before last she had snuggled with him, then got out of bed and climbed in bed with me. I didn't even realize it until I got up. Then when he was up and getting dressed, he came in, looked at her in bed, and said...WHAT is SHE doing in here! I fibbed a little and said she got in bed when she heard my alarm. He said...ok then, and had that look like he was going to be keeping track now!

The girls got everything to their rooms tonight for open house. I can barely fathom that Rachel is now in 7th grade and Amberlea is in 4th! They are both excited for another great year. Rachel is getting ready to start volleyball and be super busy for the next several months! Amberlea will start soccer soon also, and Tye will be doing soccer and flag football both.

My dad helped me out tonight with open house since I needed to be in my classroom. He took Tye for the evening, then brought him up for a light supper in the gym and on to my room. Dad hung out with Tye and me while Tye unpacked his school supplies. It has certainly been a few years since he's chased a kid around St. Gregory's! Thanks Dad for the help!