A Near Miss

Tye has been so very good at school.  Not perfect.  But very good.  And a home and everywhere really.  The days leading up to Christmas were just as good as many other days we've had this fall.  And then it hit, about 8pm on Christmas Eve...

Jacob, Rosie and my dad came over and had pizza.  I had been wrapping presents all day, considering I hadn't started before that morning!  I was sitting upstairs chatting when Tye came up to get a drink.  I noticed right away.  A chunk out of the front of his hair.  A big chunk.  Actually a few big chunks down to the scalp.

Me: TYE! Did you cut your hair?

Tye: I accidentally did it!

Me: (pulling an Ann Heflin) If you need a haircut, tell me.

Tye: Mom, I need a haircut.

Me: Well, now you do!  I don't know if Santa will come. (I know, it was mean, but it was the first thing I thought of.)

Tye: (in hysterics) What!? (crying)

Me...thinking jeez, it is just hair, and does it cancel all the other great things he has improved on?

Me: Ok, so just go sit on your bed for now.

Later...

Tye: Can I get up?

Me: Not until your hair grows back (another Ann Heflin).

Tye: What!?

Me: You better start praying.

Silence.

Tye: Can I go to the bathroom?

Me: Yes.

A few seconds later...

Tye: (somewhat bewildered) Mom! My hair isn't growing.  I said some prayers!

So I decide to put him out of his misery and let him get up.  I left his hair like that for a few days and let his sisters and everyone else make comments about how bad it looked!  We finally trimmed it a little today because I didn't want to buzz it off completely in this weather, and I can get by with it for Christmas break!

Get Out of Jail Free, or Not

Hopefully it is ok that I reveal this info...

Tye and Amberlea went home with Phillip and Denise after the Christmas program.  I had a bunch of things to get ready for the weekend in Unionville, and Rachel was babysitting for her little sisters, so that worked great for me.  Just before Albany, Phillip met a patrolman, who happened to think he was driving too fast and stopped him.  More on what happened later.

So Phillip went up to sit with the patrolman in his car, and Denise and the kids waited.  Tye told Grandma..."My dad told my mom that if I get in jail, just leave him there."  We were just cracking up because I have told Tye that Daddy wants him to stay out of jail and that I shouldn't bail him out.  Mind you, this has just been in funny conversations...like once he was arguing about putting on his seatbelt.  I finally said...the cops will get you.  He said...will you come get me out of jail?  And I said...nope, Daddy said to leave you there if you end up in jail!

Tye spilled the beans to me the second I got here today!  Papa had a nice chat with the patrolman and a verbal warning (lucky)!  That was after blaming his lead foot on the kids wanting ice cream at DQ in Bethany!  Ha!

Holy Smoly

Today was yet ANOTHER wonderful day of leaving school so late that it was already dark!  As I turned from 7th street up Dewey and crested the hill, I could see shadows in front of me.  The top of the hill was essentially between street lights, so it was dark.  To the east is a large plot of tree-covered land, and deer often trot back and forth from east to west right through there.  I slowed all the way down and said...Tye, look!  5 fairly decent sized deer crossed infront of us.

Tye: WOW, holy crap!

I am agast!  I am choking on my gasps, and trying not to laugh, while still trying to figure out how he hears this stuff.  I have nixed the crap talk in our house and we've been working so hard.

So we went back to practicing...holy moly, holy cow, holy smoly, oh my, oh goodness...no holy crap.

Sigh.

Also, Amberlea threw up in the night last night around 2:30.  I got her and the bathroom all cleaned up, but it woke Tye.  Amberlea was back to bed snoring, while Tye was a chatterbox and trying to figure out if she felt ok.  Then this morning he jumped out of bed and went in to check on her, then came back and said...Mom, she's not good, she needs to stay home today, so who is staying with her?

He was very concerned with her!  Then I ran into Josie, the girls' little sister who is in Tye's class (yes, I know, it is odd but actually nice) and she was worried about Amberlea being sick, and asked me if I thought she was feeling better.

It was really cute.

Signs that I am TOO busy!

Today I did not start the washer, add detergent and forget to close the lid.  No, because that would seem like something that could easily happen. I did not walk into the laundry room and notice that the washer was full of suds.  I did not cuss and then close the lid so it would finish washing.  I did not hurry and empty the dryer so it would be ready for the next load out of the washer.  And I certainly did not stand there in the laundry room reading my romance novel, waiting for the washer to stop.  That would totally be crazy, considering there was nothing in the washing machine.  And that would mean I am so busy that all I can get done is imaginary laundry, which would in turn mean that I might be losing it a little, and I can't ever imagine that to be the case.

Amberlea's Late Night Adventure

T'was the night before Friday, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse...

Amberlea was nestled all snug in her bed out on the lawn in the middle of the night, apparently.

No joke.

As I said, we were all snug in our beds.  I was startled awake by the sound of my front door opening.  I jumped out of bed and hollered.

Amberlea replied...it's just me Mom.

I raced in through the hall toward Tye and Amberlea's rooms, and met Amberlea in the livingroom.

Amberlea...I was just checking to see if I left my coat on the front porch.

Me...No, you didn't, your coat is in here.

By then I could see she was sleep walking, and I just ushered her back to her bedroom.  I looked towards the front door, which was closed, and went on back to bed.  My alarm clock said 12:50 a.m. I laid there trying to think what exactly had just happened!

Fast forward to this morning...

Everyone was getting ready as usual. I noticed that the front door was unlocked, and kind of chuckled at myself about last night, thinking that I was going to say something to Amberlea about her coat to see if she remembered.  I backed out of the garage and got quite the surprise!

On the lawn, near the sidewalk and close to the front bushes...was Amberlea's comforter from her bed!

Me...hey, Amberlea, what is up with that?  (and I pointed)

The look on her face was priceless!  I told her what had happened with the front door.

Amberlea...I have no idea how that got there! 

Then she went on to tell me that she didn't remember anything about the coat or getting out of bed.  She did remember waking up and feeling like she was freezing.  I said...yeah, freezing like 17 degrees!  She has no memory of going outside, and based on where the bedding ended up, she was well off the porch and onto the front sidewalk.

I am reviewing my options for an alarm.  Her dad suggested a set of jinglebells on her ankles to alert us!  My sister wondered if she has ever done this before, God forbid!  I was thinking, I sure hope not!

Tell Me About My Daddy...

Saturday morning...no early morning plans. Mommy is NOT a morning person, so we slept in.  I did set my alarm so the sleeping in was not out of control!  After my alarm went off and I pushed snooze, I just had dozed back off when I felt Tye snuggling up next to me.  I opened my eyes and he was looking at me.

Mom, did my dad like to snuggle?

Thus began a long conversation about Daddy.  What did he like to eat?  Did he read books?  And watch t.v.? Did he go hunting? (no)  What did he do when he was my age?  Did he like to play with me?  Did he have a dog? (Yes, Freck)  Was he in kindergarten once?  Did he like school?  And what about football, did he like football?  And baseball? And basketball, because I love basketball? (yes, I did tell him that Grandma let Daddy skip school to watch March madness)...Did he like dinosaurs?  And what about pizza?  Did he like cookies?

It was really a beautiful conversation.  I kept it light-hearted, and saved the tears for when I climbed in the shower and thought to myself that I have quite a responsibility on my hands to make sure Tye knows who Brian was.  It is very overwhelming.  I am proud to be able to tell him about Brian, but I long for him to know these things firsthand, not from me.

X-Rated Thanksgiving?

Tye crawled in bed the other night and said...I love school.  I hugged him and said...I know you do.  He continued...we really have been learning a lot about naked Americans. We even learned a naked American dance. (I am gasping by now). Did you learn about naked Americans when you were in kindergarten?

No.I.did.not.

Tee Hee...

Wonder if the naked Americans played with the penguins my nephew thought were at the first Thanksgiving!

I have always told the kids' teachers...I will only believe 1/2 of what my kid comes home and tells me about school if you only believe 1/2 of what he comes to school and tells you about us.

Quick Update

Sorry it has been so long...I blinked and October was over, and bam...past halfway through November.

Rachel switched straight from volleyball to basketball.  She and I were just chatting last night that her bball season will be over already in 2 more weeks.  Wow!  I have thoroughly enjoyed watching her play, and I'm working on not yelling from the crowd!  She really enjoys sports, and plans to play both in high school.  I do think she will really enjoy a little break and the chance to go straight home after school when the season is over.  Track doesn't start until March, but the way the year is going, it will be here before we know it.

Amberlea is doing well in school.  She is a happy kid, and I enjoy her laughter and sense of humor.  Last night we made 4 batches of meatloaf.  We washed our hands real well, then use them to mix the hamburger and egg.  The hamburger had been thawing in the fridge, and it was still very cold.  She bet me that she could keep her hands in longer than me.  It was actually pretty funny, and we did a lot of giggling.  We were both saved from losing the bet by the phone ringing.  I love being crazy with my kids.

Tye went hunting with Grandpa this weekend.  He had lots of fun, and we have watched the bow hunter video he brought home about 5x.  He even was up at 4:30 to go hunting, but fell asleep in the deer stand!  He told Grandma that they didn't see any deer, raccoons or bears.  Grandma was happy to hear that no bears were spotted!  Tye was sad to come home, but we'll be back in a few weeks for Thanksgiving.

I keep super busy with school and home.  I have tried to take some time for myself and read.  It is something I can enjoy for myself, instead of cleaning and doing laundry all the time.  I would like to start working out again, and hopefully that will come over the holidays.

Hope this finds you all doing well.

Daddy Kisses from Tye

I am in the office working on yet another thing for school.  Tye came in with a blue tube of medicated blistex and asked me if it was Daddy's.  He found it in Rachel's bathroom. It caught me off guard.  Brian used this kind of chapstick from the moment I met him.  I remember him putting it on during our first date, and him commenting that he always had chapped lips.  I remember how many times I would cringe when I figured out that a tube of that blistex had gone through the dryer and I now had to treat all the clothes with shout to get out the oil stains!  Before I could respond, he pulled off the lid and started putting some on. Then he kissed me great big on the cheek., and the smell came over me and nearly stopped my breathing.  I remembered how soft his lips were on mine, how good it felt to have him close to me, to kiss me.  I remembered how he would have several tubes in different places.  And I remember how hard it has been to once in a while find those tubes where I least expect it.  Like once I reached in my purse for a pen and grabbed the blistex.  I didn't even know where it had come from!

Tye has now kissed me like 5 times, and so I have a clear coat of blistex on my right cheek that smells just like Brian.

I had forgotten.  And now I remember.

Heskimos and more!

Tonight we were out grabbing a bite to eat. It was all four of us, which has been rare lately with our crazy schedule of activities! Tye decided he wanted to play a game.

Tye: I will sound out the animal and you guess.

Girls: Ok!

Tye: K-K (as in the hard C sound). They guessed. Then he whispers and asks what sound the O makes in cow. So he sounds it out and adds on the OW sound.

Rachel: COW! (she was doing a great job of playing along)

Tye: You guessed it! Now it is your turn.

So she did one and he guessed. Then it was his turn again.

And he starts...H-H-H.

She guesses H.

He continues. He gives the short i sound, like in the word IT.

She guesses I.

Next...G-G-G.

She and I look at each other, a bit perplexed.

She guesses G. Yep.

So then she asks him, is this an animal?

Tye: No, it isn't an animal. L-L-L.

L? she asks. Yep.

Now OOOO.

She and I stare at each other. Amberlea kind of cocks her head in confusion.

Rachel: Um, HIGLOO?

Tye: Yep! Good job, you got it...higloo! You know, a higloo?

Rachel: Ok, but it is igloo, not higloo. Eskimos live in igloos, not higloos.

Tye just giggled and was quite surprised to learn this new bit of information. We were all very excited about his ability to sound things out like that, regardless.

Go Falcons!

Today was Rachel's first volleyball game. We made the trek to South Holt, and they won! It was so much fun watching her play. Rachel got a few good digs and several good serves. I could tell she was nervous, even if she won't admit it!

A Few Laughs

On the way to Bethany to pick up Tye and go out for dinner with Phillip and Denise...

Amberlea: Camero's? What is Camero's?

Me: It's like a steak house.

Amberlea: Ooo, steak! I love ribs, pork and steak. I'm a ribs, pork and steak alcoholic!

Now that was just plain funny! I said, you mean you are a steak-aholic. Oh, that's what she meant!

I had the chance this weekend to spend time with Rachel and Amberlea, just us girls. We watched My Girl. The girls had never seen it. Despite the fact that before I ever saw it back in high school, my little sister told me that the boy dies, so the whole thing was ruined...I still cry every.single.time! The worst part is when Veda runs into the casket and is telling people that Thomas J. is missing his glasses. We got a good cry and talked about how difficult it would be to lose a friend.

I forgot one of the funniest lines of the movie, when Veda realizes she has started her period. Shelly and Veda go upstairs and have a "talk", and Veda says...my mom and dad did that?! But the line that had us laughing our heads off...Thomas J. comes to the door and asks if she wants to go swimming. She shoves him and says...NO! And don't come back for 5-7 days! Amberlea didn't get it, but it seemed to slip by her ok for now!

We are off and running in yet another busy week. Throw youth group in there, and we've got a duke's mixture of activities that keep us hopping! And the homework, oh my! Rachel has really had to adjust to the homework load, and I am thankful that she had already developed good study habits.

Tye's teacher stopped me today to let me know that he had a great day! Again, I am thankful, and I appreciate her helping him work on things. I know that a few good days (we're up to about 5 decent days in a row) doesn't mean we don't have things to work on, but I certainly don't feel as frustrated as I did during the first week of school.

Tonight at dinner, I asked the kids how their day went. Before anyone could answer, Tye said...no, we are going to do it this way.

Tye: You need to say to me...Hey, Tye, what do you say, what did you do in puters (computers) today?

The girls and I repeated, and he told us he typed. Then he preceded to sing the same things to the girls...Hey, Amberlea, what do you say...and then on to Rachel. He had to think of something else because Rachel didn't have "puters" today! It was fun and the girls got a good laugh.

Tye is big into homework. Hearing Rachel talk about hers, he thinks he's got to get all his done. He made a list of words that rhyme with cat. I would just say bat, and he would sound it out and write it. He got cat, bat, sat, rat, pat, mat and hat. I was pretty impressed. Amberlea was trying to help him and said black...what? I said...black doesn't rhyme with cat. She just giggled and said, oh! Then he did dog and log, then tree and bee. He was entirely too busy to do much of anything besides all that homework tonight! I'm so happy to see him interested in academics, instead of just farting and burping and playing on the playground!

Tye Update

I am actually still blogging on both sites. Be sure to go to www.halleyswaronmelanoma.blogspot.com to keep up with details about my life without Brian, and how I am dealing with it all. I also often rant and rave about melanoma. But I seem to be having trouble distinguishing WHICH blog to write on when it comes to the kids. I wrote an entry on the other blog entitled Football Frustrations , mostly ranting about no daddy and the daily trials of a very active kindergartener.

Well, tonight I wanted to report just on Tye, so here I am, on this blog. The last few days have been much better. Not perfect, just better. So we are making progress. I have really made a big deal about his progress, and we continue to talk constantly about how he needs to act. He even did better at football tonight and had a lot of fun doing the drills. He had on his uniform for pictures and looked adorable.

When we got in the van, he said that he was so hungry he couldn't stand it. I said, well, you've had a good couple of days. Where do you want to go? Pagliai's, of course, so off we went.

We at pizza and chatted about the day. I quizzed him on the kids in his class and he made me guess most of them by who started with which letter of the alphabet. He told me about the weather and how many days he has been in school (11...they are counting to the 100th day). I told him again that I was really happy that he was working so hard on listening. (disclaimer...I know he has a ways to go!). He told me they lost something in their room and made me guess. It has 6 legs. Hmmm...before I could answer, he said...well, I think it has 6 legs. I guessed the pet crab, Hermie. He told me all about Hermie's escape and how Mrs. W found it near the bathroom.

Then he scrunched up his face and said...but Mom, I did have a little trouble today. I sighed and said...really, why? Well, I sneezed all over the puter (computer). I busted out laughing. I guess I am so used to the punching and pushing and whatever else, that I totally didn't expect that to come out of his mouth. I said...well goodness, what did you do? He said...I just cleaned it up. Super.

It is a good thing he's cute!

Deeply Saddened by the News

This week I was deeply saddened to hear of a young St. Joe boy who took his own life. I have spent many moments this week in prayer for him, his family, friends, teachers, and for all who find themselves in a situation that seems so bleak. This child was only 14 days younger than my Rachel (12 1/2). He looks like he could be anybody's child, and I know he is loved and missed my many. My heart aches in knowing this pain will last forever.

I think one thing that has changed drastically about me is my empathy. I mean I always cried at movies, felt sad for others, and thought about how I would feel in other situations. But being in the midst of my own tragedies, my own trials and my own grief, I find I empathize with so many about any type of loss. And having a child the same age just hits home. While we can never know what truly led him to this, I pray that he might have peace, and that his family may be surrounded by the love of others to bring them through these difficult days.

A Few Comments and then Lots of Pictures!

We went to the Ed Phillips Memorial Rodeo over the weekend. Tye actually went on Friday night also, but we all went on Saturday, along with Phillip and Denise. The weather was simply beautiful. If you have never been, it is just a lot of fun, and I don't know why I haven't gone more in my life (just went for the 1st time last year).

The announcer asked that the kids get back from the fence. Tye wasn't really climbing on the fence much, but I hollered for him to come back up and sit with us. He climbed the stairs and then questioned us. I said...the guy said kids are supposed to come back and sit with their Moms and Dads. He replied...but I don't have a dad to sit with!

Sigh...

Tye: Mom, I really want to be a man who has a horse.

Me: Ok, maybe someday.

Tye: But, Mom! I don't have a mustache yet. I need a mustache.

Tye and Zep

Me at the Atlantic Ocean (1st time to see the ocean). Boston was beautiful!

Tye tending to Daddy's grave on Father's Day.

He decided he didn't want flowers, so he took Royals balloons instead.

Grandma and Tye on the balloons at Adventureland

3 GREAT KIDS waiting in line to ride Tye's first rollercoaster

Tye on the Carousel

Denise, Rachel and Me enjoying a relaxing ride!

Tye on the Frog Hopper...he giggled the whole time!

Grandma and Rachel on the train

Rachel and Amberlea on the washing machine (can't remember what it was called).

I rode it too, and it was a doozie! This was one of the times I sat out because I think I am too old for this kind of ride!

Easily one of Tye's favorite rides!

Tye is packed and ready for his first day of kindergarten!

Thanks to our neighbor Cindy, who happened to be walking her dog, so she snapped a few pictures of us together before we left.

Amberlea all ready for her 1st day of 4th grade...seems like she just started school! Notice the toe...stubbed it real bad and had to have some dramatic rehab for it!

Mom and Tye, snuggling up before leaving! It is harder when it is your last one going to kindergarten!

Tye with his teacher, Mrs. Wiederholt

Rachel almost made us all late, but hey, doesn't she look great for her first day of 7th grade. Wow, how the time has flown! She reminds me often how close she is to high school and how close she is to driving...sigh.

3 GREAT KIDS! Ready for school!

School Has Started

Tye (upon leaving Barb's just before lunch last week): I am STARVING!

Me: We are headed home and I will make lunch.

Tye: I mean I'm really hungry!

Me: It sounds like it.

Tye: I'm so hungry I could eat a...a...a whole person!

Me: Wow!

Tye: I could eat a whole pizza place!

Me: Wow, I can tell you are really hungry! You know, when you are super hungry, sometimes people say they are so hungry they could eat a horse.

Tye: HORSE! Ha! I wouldn't want to eat a horse!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Tye (on the way home from the first day of kindergarten): I'm tired.

Me: I know, you look tired.

Tye: I had a great day!

Me: I am so glad!

Tye: And you know what, I didn't even miss you one bit.

Me...sigh.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I am missing a cord to my camera, so I can't upload the pictures of the kids on the first day of school. I also have some on my camera from our trip to Adventureland, so hopefully I can get those up soon. The 1st and 2nd day of school went well, with the exception of Tye working on not punching anyone! Thankfully, his punching is friendly, albeit the recipients don't like it, but at least it isn't a mad punch, more of a silly-I can't control myself-I want to wrestle you kind of punch. Boys, I swear. We are going to really be working on this. We have worked really hard on sleeping in his own bed, going to bed on his own, all that. It is going very well, and it is so hard to work on lots of things at once! I mean, it's not like anyone at home is punching him, so I don't know what his deal is. I don't see Tye hardly at all during the day, so that is good for us both, with him wanting to run to me last year. I do get to see Amberlea a little bit more at lunch because last year it was literally a quick hi and she was gone. Rachel was in my class last year, so I have missed her this year...doubt she has missed me! I'll get to see her tomorrow for 7th grade social studies, and she'll love me because they have a lot of homework in there! She is pretty studious, so I'm sure she'll be fine and actually like the fact that they have work time in there also. She's popped her head in a few times to see me, which has been nice. Great perk of teaching where your kids go to school!

Tomorrow also starts volleyball for Rachel, which means she basically has something after school everyday through Dec. 3 because volleyball and basketball are literally back to back...maybe a few days off. She is excited, and she does seem to do well when she has a lot going on. She loves being with her friends too, so all that extra after school means more friend time!

I think we are going to be very busy in the coming months...

Update

I am still trying to figure out each time just which blog I should write on. I try to categorize, am I writing about melanoma or life as a widow or dealing with Brian's death, or am I writing about normal kid things. Anyway, I still don't have it straight yet. If you saw the other blog recently, I talked about Tye wanting to go to the cemetery. I decided tonight to do some updating on here about a few things that have happened this week, even though some of it does have to do with Brian.

It took several days to get to "Daddy's Garden". Each time, Tye would change his mind. We went the other night after being at Wal-Mart, and he had conned me into a drink. He hopped out of the van and carried his drink over and checked things out. He thought it was interesting that the grass was shorter all around Brian and Mom's graves. I pointed out that Papa weed eats to keep it cleaned up! He climbed up on Brian's headstone and just sighed. Then he said...you sit on your mom's too. So I sat on my mom's headstone, and we looked at the clouds, which had kind of an orangy purple color with the sun shining just right. He drank his drink and we talked. He turned around the opposite way on the headstone. Brian and Mom are buried at the edge of the cemetery near a field. He said...I'm pretty sure they planted corn here last year, but now it looks like soybeans. Then he climbed down and went over to the edge of the field, shook his head and said...hmm, looks good. Then he told me he thought he should call Papa Phillip to see how his soybeans are doing.

Then we walked up a few graves to where my grandparents and my Uncle Gary are buried. Tye put his hands on his hips and said...hmm, the grass is shorter here too! Maybe someone weed eated this! I said...well, Papa did this too because these are my grandparents, and this is Grammie's brother. He looked shocked and said...you have a grandpa? Then he straightened a few things on Gary's grave, and off we went.

He announced that he wanted a daddy pillow for school. I was caught off guard and totally didn't even think about making one out of one of Brian's t-shirts. I got some Royals fleece and a pre-made pillow, and this little Susie Homemaker whipped up a pretty decent pillow! I surprised myself even! This morning when I showed him, he squeezed it and then said...it doesn't smell like Daddy! I said...well, ok, what do you want to do? He went and got Brian's cologne and sprayed it, then smiled and sniffed the air. He had a look on his face like Heaven, like he was smelling chocolate chip cookies or something. It was heartbreaking and precious. He picked Brian's favorite Jeff Gordon shirt for his paint shirt at school.

I am very excited that he could incorporate some things of Brian's for kindergarten. It is bittersweet because I so wish it wasn't my kid who had to settle for the smell of his Daddy or an old shirt to be close to him. These things seem to make him very happy right now, and it feels good for him not to be so sad about Daddy. He was very excited to show his teacher too!

He has slept in his own bed for FOUR nights now! Wow! If you don't know, he has slept with me since Brian died. Most of it was for him, some of it was for me. I have tried to transition him back, but it hasn't worked. I am working really hard this time, and so far so good. He has enjoyed Amberlea climbing into bed with him to snuggle on a few nights, but last night she wasn't here, so he went to sleep on his own! The night before last she had snuggled with him, then got out of bed and climbed in bed with me. I didn't even realize it until I got up. Then when he was up and getting dressed, he came in, looked at her in bed, and said...WHAT is SHE doing in here! I fibbed a little and said she got in bed when she heard my alarm. He said...ok then, and had that look like he was going to be keeping track now!

The girls got everything to their rooms tonight for open house. I can barely fathom that Rachel is now in 7th grade and Amberlea is in 4th! They are both excited for another great year. Rachel is getting ready to start volleyball and be super busy for the next several months! Amberlea will start soccer soon also, and Tye will be doing soccer and flag football both.

My dad helped me out tonight with open house since I needed to be in my classroom. He took Tye for the evening, then brought him up for a light supper in the gym and on to my room. Dad hung out with Tye and me while Tye unpacked his school supplies. It has certainly been a few years since he's chased a kid around St. Gregory's! Thanks Dad for the help!

Argh Matey!

I just went shopping with my 9 year-old at Wal-Mart. It is always an event when she is with me alone. She has quite a personality. She had a shopping list with her that included a mango and coconut milk, which came from a late night discussion on foods from Hawaii! So...we ran into my secretary from school and were chatting. Amberlea came back with dried mango. Janet sent her son with Amberlea to find a fresh mango, and she is on cloud 9. Thanks Shawn!

And then she started talking pirate talk. I was cracking up. The cool as a cucumber checker was even cracking up because she makes for a pretty good pirate!

There was a pretty good storm tonight. Actually it still seems to be lingering. Amberlea always gets a bit wound up when the weather is like this...I think it makes her nervous.

Tomorrow I am heading back to school. I have a ton of work to do, so I can only hope to be productive!

Kidz Update

I have several things to update, but I'm starting with the girls. Rachel has reminded me that I blog about Tye a lot, so I'm going to start with the girls today...

Rachel has been very busy this summer. Summer Spike volleyball in Fairfax started immediately after school was out. She was a bit nervous (me too) because she has never really played volleyball. But she needed to figure it out since she'll be playing interscholastic at school this fall. She made amazing improvements, and she (and I) don't think she'll embarrass herself too much! Ha! Actually, she's doing pretty well and she did really have fun with it, and I thought it was a lot of fun to watch. She also went to the high school volleyball camp, which she enjoyed also.

She decided to stay on swim team this year. I hope she does again next year so I can have all three of my kids in the same activity for at least one summer! She seemed to still enjoy it, and she knows it is great exercise. We've gone to the pool a lot, but sometimes we go in spurts. Now that I think about it, we haven't been for a few weeks (thanks to the interesting fall weather).

She loved loved loved music camp. Again, the social side of her makes her really enjoy things like this, but she loved the music. She and her friends already have plans to actually stay at the dorms next year.

She is also babysitting for my sister's kids once a week. This has been a great way for her to make money and get babysitting experience, and she enjoys spending time with Tori and Don. She has had the chance to do a little bit of other babysitting, but would love to do more.

Rachel has been very social this summer. She keeps busy on the computer and texting, and she meets herself coming and going a lot. She goes from one activity to another, and has a hard time understanding that we want her at home with us too. She loves to hang out with friends, go on bike rides, talk on the phone, just sit and chat. She is a very fun kid to be around!

She got her top braces off. The bottoms had to wait another 6 weeks, and will come off tentatively on Aug. 20. She has had her tops on since the first week of September 2006, and I am just amazed that so much time has passed. She has grown up so much, in so many ways! I would have been ok if the doctor would have just said for her to leave her braces on for a few more years because she looked a lot younger with them! One night we were out to eat at Applebee's with Brian's parents, and we had all ordered a drink. She asked if she could get one too, and then she ordered a strawberry daiquiri. She barely paused to tell the girl that she wanted it non-alcoholic, but before she could, the girl kind of looked at her like hmm. I cut her off and said...virgin please. She said...I thought she wasn't old enough. I said...um, she's 12! She looked at both of us like, no way! I looked at Rachel and thought, ok, she doesn't look 12 but she sure doesn't look 21, does she?

Rachel also went to tennis camp, which gave her a chance to simply learn how to play the game. The kids and I all got tennis rackets in our Easter baskets, and now she can play instead of just walking around hitting the ball.

She is gearing up for 7th grade, and the fact that her schedule will be very hectic with all the activities she is involved in. I love chasing her around to everything, and she loves being involved and staying active.

Amberlea has also been busy this summer, but not nearly as much as Rachel. She enjoyed swim team also this year. She is in that really odd stage where she is too young for everything. Too young for tennis camp, too young for other activities that Rachel was involved in. She also doesn't have nearly the social life that Rachel has (Rachel didn't at her age either) but that is hard for her to understand Rachel always having something to do. It is sometimes hard for Rachel to understand that Amberlea has nothing to do, and she needs to spend time with her instead of other friends. I have been able to spend a lot of time with Amberlea, just the two of us. She has slept with me several times, and I chuckle because she talks and talks as soon as we get in bed. She has a very funny sense of humor!

The other day we "shopped" through her school supplies from last year to see if anything could be reused. She remembered that she had a brand new backpack in her closet from 2nd grade. I had forgotten about it, in the midst of Brian dying and us moving. I said...well, go get it. She said...um, I think it is full! So we dug through the supplies from 2nd grade also! She has always been my keeper...she hoards things and finds use in all kinds of things. Like once she kept a pair of tights that had a rip in the thigh...she cut them off to make socks, then figured out that they wouldn't stay up! Another time when she was about 2, I couldn't find my calculator and she went and looked in her bottom dresser drawer and found it. Last year when I painted the bathroom, she begged me to let her keep the empty paint can because "I have always wanted one". I shouldn't complain because we were able to cross off over half of her school supplies from the list!

I find Amberlea to be a typical 2nd child. She has a hard time realizing that Rachel is doing things that we didn't let her do at Amberlea's age. I think I have finally convinced her that Rachel has some things she will need for school that she just doesn't need, but she will need them someday.

I've already updated a lot of Tye. He went to the dentist for the first time yesterday. No cavities! Always great, of course. I have wondered about a front tooth of his on the top left because in the past several months, I noticed that it seems pushed forward. Before he lost the other teeth, I originally thought maybe it was just loose. He would comment once in a while that it felt funny, but it didn't feel loose to me. Then he lost the bottom two, one in May and one about 2 weeks ago. The x-ray showed significant root damage. The dentist said it looked like it was caused by trauma, that he had likely bumped his tooth at some point. He asked me if I remembered anything, and of course I didn't. It did make me think about the story of Brian, as he lost his front teeth a few years too early when he hit the handlebars on Uncle Rog's motorcycle. So he had no front teeth for a few years! Anyway, so the dentist said he wanted to check a little more, and while he was starting to look at his mouth again, said it looked like something that could become a problem. He said it would not be a vital tooth since the root is dead. He was still in the middle of explaining it to me, saying that we would have to watch it so it didn't develop a red area or like a puss pocket, when he lifted Tye's top lip and there it was...a big red area that clearly showed an abscessed tooth! So he stopped mid-sentence and said...the tooth fairy needs that tooth! So Tye is schedule to go "float on a cloud" and get that tooth removed on Aug. 10th. Now I kind of wish he would just bump it out because I really hate paying to pull a baby tooth that will probably fall out in the next 6 mos. anyway! But I could see it too, and we looked again on the x-ray to see the damage and infection in the root...it was also messing with the incoming tooth and causing it to not be even with the other one. His school pictures in Aug. will be interesting, with just one front tooth (if it lasts that long because they loosen up pretty quickly when they are the only one doing the job).

The kids are all at vacation Bible school. Rachel is actually volunteering this year and loving the little preschoolers. Tye and Amberlea are enjoying the songs, and I was able to go on-line and buy the CD. The summer is quickly winding down! I have been the mom taxi all summer, and I am thankful for being a teacher so I can do it instead of having to hire someone. I have been all over the place!

I Didn't Do it, and I'm a Loser Pants

Tye is in rare form today. He is soooo ready for school. I think he really misses playing with friends, and his sisters aren't giving him the attention he wants, so he is finding ornery ways to get it.

The day started out with Rachel quite surprised by the pink water coming from the faucet. Seems that there was an equipment malfunction at the water plant, and too much sodium permangenate was added. The water maintenance guy told me it was like that all over town, and that it is safe to drink. I was thinking, are you kidding? Then he said he wouldn't drink it, and then also warned me not to wash any white clothes.

So I headed downstairs to tell Tye so he wouldn't drink the water. I didn't think it would harm him, but I just decided we would all avoid it, considering the other crazy things that have happened to us.

Hey Tye, come here a minute....as he was coming to the bathroom, I pulled the plug on the sink and started running the water.

I said...something is wrong with the water.

Before I could finish, he looked very curiously at the sink and said...I DIDN'T DO IT!

Amberlea was cracking up! So he was quilty of something first thing this morning.

Then I realized he was using a glass cup as a peg leg for his pirate costume.
Then he decided to dust, and got a little carried away. A few pictures fell, but all is well.

Then he flung a large hair band at Amberlea and hit her in the eye. She was sitting on the floor playing with the magnetix. He told her he was sorry about 50 times and begged her to let him play. Finally they decided to make pictures with the magnets and have each other guess. I was guessing, and I couldn't tell what his was. He crumpled up the magnets and said, she's a winner and I'm a loser pants.

Laugh.

Giggle.

Chuckle.

I mean, what DO you say to that?

He asked me the other day what you call a baby woodpecker. I was like, well, um, let me see. Rachel was laughing her head off, and saying, yeah, come on Mom, what do you call a baby woodpecker? I was giggling, and finally I said that I guessed it was like any other bird.

He said...NO! Mom! You just call it a baby woodpecker.

Amberlea slept with me last night. It was a lot of fun because I have had a lot of trouble getting to sleep for the last several weeks, so Tye was conked out, and Amberlea was rambling a mile a minute. She was so excited to be able to tell me all about her float trip, uninterrupted and unedited (you know, Rachel not correcting her).

Another Birthday

Today is my birthday. My 36th birthday. So I'm not a 34 year-old widow anymore.

I awoke this morning to a tap on my door. Tori, Luke and Erin were there with fresh-baked cinnamon rolls! They brought a card, and also a singing card from my children, which also had a recorded message! Rachel and Amberlea were gone until about 1:30 with their dad on a float trip all weekend, which couldn't be scheduled any other time besides my birthday. So it was great to hear their voices still!

I had several phone calls, texts, and well wishes. I got lots of happy birthdays from facebook (thanks everyone). And when my kids got home, they gave me the coolest candle warmer. It plugs in and melts scented wax, and our whole house smells so nice. They picked out grape, blueberry cheesecake and sugar cookie, so we have some great scents to try out. Thanks Abby for helping Rachel do some planning on this. I also got a firetruck, amongst a huge set of tears from Tye because he didn't feel that he had gotten me anything for my birthday. This happened some with Mother's Day, and then today it was just too much for him. I find it to be an interesting position to be in, and I don't really know how to handle it. I don't know what is right, I know that nothing feels right. I finally started giving Rachel money for Mother's Day this year. I was really cracked up when she called me when I was in Boston and asked me if I was going to give her money for my birthday also. At first I was like, what? Then she kind of paused and said...I found something I want to get you for your birthday and I want to know if I can have some money.

I told you my life is crazy.

So back to the firetruck. He insisted on wrapping it for me; Rachel insisted it wasn't necessary. A lot of crying later, I convinced her that it might make him feel better and it wasn't going to hurt anything. He just beamed when I opened it. Not sure what my plan will be for next year, but something is going to have to change because he is old enough to know he didn't buy me anything or make me anything or really do anything for me for my birthday. Last night he told me he was going to cook me breakfast this morning, and I prayed I would wake up before he started cooking, just in case! As it was, he slept in. Today he kept telling me all day today how much he loves me. Several times he would just say...so today is your birthday?

I got a hefty dose of our home lacking another parent today. I'm not sure if I feel bad or what I feel. I have worked really hard not to put pressure on Rachel, not to put her in the position of having to be responsible for things that most other 12 year-olds don't have to worry about. Around 3pm she asked me if she could ride to Dollar General to get frosting. I told her that we needed to go to the store for something for supper, and she could buy some frosting then if she wanted. What is for supper, she asked. I said I was hoping they could come up with something they wanted to make that sounded good, and then the 3 of them could make it together (thinking this would actually involve Tye). Amberlea thought this was a great idea, and Rachel ho-hummed around and couldn't make up her mind, then ended up on the computer...she's been out of touch since Thursday night since she was on the float trip! Amberlea went and asked her again, and finally after 6 sometime, I went to the store on my own and got stuff for homemade pizza. I stopped at the cemetery and got my own tears out because Brian is gone and my mom is gone too, and she would never have let this happen. I recovered and keep reminding myself to be thankful for living to see 36 (Brian didn't get to) and hoping to God I am still alive in 18 years to see 54 (my mom didn't get to). Still, I opened my eyes this morning and have been baffled all day that I am 36...what happened to being in my twenties?

I came home from the store and made myself supper, with a little help from Amberlea and Tye. While the pizza was baking, Rachel came up from her room, a little surprised that I was cooking supper. I said...well, it is 7:36 and I figure we need to eat. She said...well, did you get any frosting? I just sighed and said...well, no I didn't feel like deciding about my own birthday cake.

She decided to take Amberlea with her to Dollar General, and they were back in time for the pizza to be out of the oven. They baked a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and sprinkles, and we had snicker's ice cream too! It was very yummy! Tye was about to split, he was so excited to help.

My dad stopped by with a really neat clock/hygrometer/thermometer for outside. We hung it on the side of my house, and it looks great. I have always wanted one, but always think I should save my money or spend it on something I need. So it was a nice surprise. Dad ate some pizza and cake too, and we sat on the deck on such a nice evening and visited. While we were out there, the girls surprised me with cleaning up the kitchen from supper, and some other things that were out too. That was a very nice surprise.

So it was a good birthday. I try not to have any expectations, because what I really, really want can never happen. So those of you out there who have spouses who make a big deal out of your birthday...relish in it because you will miss it when it is gone someday. I think next year I am just going to actually plan my birthday myself and have something set for us to do, like go swimming or bowling or out of town. It would be easier on me, and definitely easier on the kids. I am really proud of Rachel for all she does, and the fact is, she isn't Brian and she isn't supposed to be. She's my 12 year-old kid who is very thoughtful and sneaky! (with my money...ha!)

Tye and I went to Bethany last night to meet Phillip and Denise. They took us out to supper for my birthday. We had a great visit, and are making plans for Tye to go stay at Unionville for a few days at the end of the week.

Yesterday we also went to a bowling party for Tori and Don. Their b-days are the 2oth and 22nd, and Luke's is the 28th! Yes, Erin tried 3x to be due around my birthday, and she missed it all 3 times! Ha!

Rachel is going to tennis camp this week. She doesn't know how to play tennis. The coach is a friend of ours, and she tells me others come to camp without knowing, some even come without a racket! She has a racket, at least! She is excited to learn how to really play! Amberlea is one year too young (story of Amberlea's life right now), so I'm not sure what all she is going to do this week. Hopefully I can find something fun to do.

I'm Still Here!

I have been reprimanded by my 12 year-0ld for not posting on this site. She reminded me that I have updated the melanoma blog lots of times, and it has been a long time since I've written on this one. I asked her if she would like to be a guest blogger, to write about our life, and we'll see if she takes me up on this.

I do have a lot to tell about my three great, amazing, beautiful children, so I'll try to do a better job of updating. Look for lots of new posts in the coming days!

We went to the Great Wolf Lodge in Kansas City. And here is what I think about all of it...

*We could check in at 1pm, and by 1:15 when I was pre-checking in, our room was ready. We didn't have to wait until 4pm. Even if we did, we were still allowed to use the waterpark starting at 1.

*I upgraded to a kids cabin. This had 3 bunks that were like a cabin, and my kids thought it was awesome. I got a great deal doing it this way, so if you ever want the nicer room, go cheap and then upgrade cheap when you get there.

*We slept in and I fed the kids donuts and juice in bed. They thought that was pretty cool too.

*We were allowed to stay until closing on the day we checked out. We only stayed one night, but had from 1pm on Monday until 9pm on Tuesday to play. While the prices can be high, we really got a whole lot of fun time for that one night. I can't imagine staying 2 nights because we were just pooped by the time we left at nearly 9pm last night.

So Tye and Amberlea had shots today (Tye for kindergarten, Amberlea because she never had the chicken pox, and I got her the shot right before starting preschool, but I somehow missed that she would need a booster). She was a real trooper, smiling all the way and trying to pump Tye up for what was coming. He was Mr. Cool until the first prick, and then I felt like a labor coach. He was huffing and puffing and telling the nurse "THAT HURTS!" and I totally got knocked down on the mommy-o-meter for the day. By the end of 4 shots, he was beat red and sweating. He sobbed all the way to the van and then home. Amberlea said she thought she was going to start crying too because he was so upset. I was really feeling bad, and the nurse said, believe me, we've had way worse. Then Amberlea said that her little sister got really upset too, way worse than Tye, and I was thinking, how much worse could it have been? Somehow my nephew's cool attitude earlier in the summer made me think his shots went great. When I mentioned it tonight, Karis said heck no, that he got really upset and it was a bad deal. I still had high hopes that I had him prepped. Even a show we watched the other day had a little penguin getting ready for school and he had to get his shots. He said it hurt and he didn't like it, but it was going to be ok. I guess that all sounds fine until the poking starts, and then it is all over.

Tye really wants a cat. I am not a cat lover. They are cute and all, but I wasn't raised with animals, and it is just not something I am excited about. Tonight's conversation...

(we saw a black cat at the park)
Tye: So can I get a cat? I really want a cat.
Me: No, I just don't think we need a cat.
Tye: Because Zep will chase her?
Me: Yes, and because I don't think we need one.
Tye: But I want a cat and also a mouse so the cat can chase it.
Me: Now I am telling you I for sure don't want a mouse.
(He's been watching a little bit of Tom and Jerry)
Tye: Ok, you're right Mom, cuz if we get a mouse, then Grandma will never come visit us.
(Tye knows his Grandma too well!)

He has now lost his 2nd tooth, and this one actually made it into a glass of water for the tooth fairy. His 1st tooth disappeared before it ever made it. He was very excited last night, and then again this morning to see if she had been here.

I will post pictures about Great Wolf soon. I also have lots to tell you about Rachel and Amberlea, but I'll post that in a day or so, so I have time to write what all is going on.

Update

Tonight was a home swim meet. The girls look so great this year, as always. Today and the past few days have been unbelieveably hot, so I was excited to have a bit of a breeze for the meet tonight, and it wasn't miserable to be there! I took Tye swimming yesterday, and he is swimming on his own for several feet. Tonight I was wishing he was actually ON swim team because he was wearing me out, chasing him all over. He is at one of those ages...I don't think he thinks he is wandering off from me because he is rarely ever very far. When I grab him, he looks at me like...what, I'm right here! He is so independent (maybe even more than the girls, dare I say), and times like these stress me out. He is so comfortable around everyone at the meet that he is perfectly content to just roam around and visit. He wasn't really in trouble, and he wasn't really not listening...so I should be thankful I guess that he was not acting up. Even so, I look forward to the days that I can actually enjoy Rachel and Amberlea swimming, and maybe even help with a meet.

Days like this make me realize how hard it is to be an only parent. There is no tag-teaming, no sending Tye off to run around with Daddy or go fishing with Daddy or play outside with Daddy...I am so thankful that all of my kids are so much fun to be around, and at least when it is just Tye and me, he is very entertaining and makes for great company. This summer, I have found that the only times I haven't been with him have been when I was split between two kids...Rachel playing volleyball in another town while he had t-ball, stuff like that. It is both rewarding and challenging.

I did enjoy a week in Boston with some friends. We went during the 2nd week of June, and although I missed my kids so much, I needed to get away. Boston was great, and of course I loved all the historical stuff. I got to see the ocean for the first time (other than actually flying over the Gulf of Mexico when we were headed to M.D. Anderson). I hope I can go on a cruise someday, way down the road I'm sure. We got fairly cheap airfare and a friend had hotel points built up and graciously shared with us, which made our hotel bill next to nothing. I thought I better not advertise that some Catholic school teachers stayed in Boston at a cheap hotel, but I think it's ok since it wasn't cheap AND sleazy! It was a Double Tree, so we had nice accommodations. We were beat from walking from one end of Boston to the other, and were very thankful to find a harbor ferry to return us from the Freedom Trail. I didn't climb the 294 steps on Bunker Hill, although a few others did. One night we ate lobster at a great place in Plymouth, right on the water....Isaac's if you're ever in the area.

So now I am trying to figure out where to take the kids. I am open for a long several days, or a few days here and there, or even an overnighter. I am 90 miles north of Kansas City, so if anyone out there has great ideas, send them my way. I am thinking of Great Wolf Lodge, just because we have been there and I know the kids would have fun. I haven't been there since Brian thought we should go before he started his treatment in July 2006. We just went spur of the moment, and Tye was young enough that he doesn't remember. I feel like I wouldn't be stressed there, being an only/single parent with my kids the ages they are, and with Tye being able to have a lifejacket. So if you suggest anything, please remember that because I do like to be self-sufficient, and I want to feel like we are safe and that our vacation is manageable. The girls are already going to the Omaha Zoo with their dad later in the fall. I would love to hear your ideas.

Well, Tye just came in with surgical gloves on because he was needing to put neosporin on a bandaid, so I think I better figure out what he needs.

70 and Clear...or Not!

My go-to guy is fired. For now anyway. He's been a part of my life since I can't even remember when. In Maryville, many of you remember we didn't have to dial the 582 part of phone numbers, just 8-followed by the last 4 numbers. For so long, no one had a 562 number. The ONLY one I knew was my go-to guy...the time and temp guy. He's been a part of my life nearly every day, and my children could dial his number as soon as they could count.

But he let us down last night. I don't know if he is always right, but I do know that he has been relatively right enough to keep calling for 30+ years.

So Tye had begged me to sleep outside in the tent when we had our family campout. I conned him into waiting until Father's Day, and maybe we could start a tradition. He remembered!...and asked me yesterday, and so started a chain of events.

Starting with Rachel calling the time and temp guy...tonight, 70 and clear. We know what he said because we called him a few times, and Amberlea called him back in the middle of the night just to be sure Rachel had called the right guy.

Why, you might ask? Because somehow, Missouri has stolen the identity of Seattle, or maybe even the Amazon rainforest, in the fact that it rains basically E-V-E-R-Y S-I-N-G-L-E day! So once we finally settled down for a summer night's rest, in heat that was surely above 70, the events went something like this.

It is too hot to sleep.
Let's watch a movie first.
Head outside, it feels a little cooler. It is almost midnight by now.
Wow, the stars are beautiful. Definitely a clear night.
Hot, still very hot.
Fine, Tye, stop whining, I'll get a fan.
Extension cord in place, small table fan attached and rotating in the tent.
Ahh, it's the good life.
Everyone is sleeping, I am still hot.
I can see the sky through the open window screens.
I really miss Brian.
Really.
Really.
Really.
Finally I doze off.
I open my eyes to a few flashes.
That seriously can't be lightning, can it?
70 and clear, 70 and clear.
Close my eyes.
Flash.
Yep, it is definitely lightning.
But I can still see those stars. Maybe it will pass.
Doze off again.
Flash, bang, boom.
Ok, maybe not.
So do I wake them all, or take the chance of being struck by lightning?
Hmmm...
Let's see, my track record for life is not so great.
I have a target painted on my back.
Did I mention that I had to buy a $2000 air conditioner a few weeks ago.
I close my eyes, thinking that I don't remember the time and temp guy being this wrong.
I glance up at the stars. I can't see them because there are clouds coming in quickly.
Wham...it just cuts lose raining.
Snap, I'm on my feet and trying to decide just what to do.
Still 3 sleeping kids.
In a second it started to feel like an all out storm, and my common sense kicked in.
Rachel and Amberlea were up in an instant, Amberlea was scared to death.
Please God, don't let them get struck by lightning running from the tent to the house.
The tent was right beside the house.
Still, that target lurks.
So Rachel went first and kept the door open for Amberlea.
Tye came shortly after.
Then I went, and had to zip the tent closed again.
Whew, we're all in.
Kaboom, the lightning and thunder and rain is wild, the wind is blowing like crazy.
I look at the clock and it is 2:15.
Amberlea looks at Rachel and says...70 and clear, huh?!?!
So Rachel called and checked, and then so did Amberlea.
Amberlea was quite surprised that he hadn't at least said there was a 10% chance of rain or something.
We were all perplexed that our beloved time and temp guy missed this one.
Oh well, he's still on speed dial.

Rachel headed straight to bed and Amberlea and Tye crawled in bed with me. Amberlea talked 90 miles an hour for the next 30 minutes. I wish I would have had a pencil and paper to just jot down the crazy things that run through her head!

Conducting at it's Finest

Rachel has been practicing her saxaphone in preparation for music camp auditions this afternoon. She was sitting at the island, tooting her horn when Tye came running in, begging to get to play. After finally realizing she wasn't going to give up the sax, he climbed up on a bar stool across from her, clad in only his underwear, and used a bendy straw to direct Rachel. We were cracking up! Rachel was having a hard time keeping her mouth from smiling while still trying to play.

Then...he pointed the straw at her and said STOP! She stopped playing and he said...stick out your tongue! She stuck out her tongue, which was bright blue from something she had eaten. He said...your tongue is blue! Then he started conducting again!

Then tonight he told one of the preschool teachers (we saw her at the swim meet) that he lost a tooth, and the tooth fairy brought him a dinosaur. She asked if she could come see it. He said...hmm, I have to tell you, it's real! Jeez!

Great Start to the Summer

Sorry I haven't posted for so long...

The summer is off to a great start. I hosted the 4th Eickholt Campout this weekend at my house, and it made me all the more happy that I bought this house! The layout was perfect, the yard and deck are perfect...the weather and the food were both awesome. It was such a fun time...33 was the headcount, with 16 of them between the age of 9 months and 13 years...whew! Thank God for my mother-in-law for helping me overhaul this mess of disorganization I've called home for a year. Things were so out of order from Brian's illness and death, and from moving and grieving...and it feels good to have things in place. I still have lots to do, but I got such a boost to get ready for the weekend that I should be well on my way to getting some projects done this year.

I still need to finish things at school this week...sigh.

Anyway, I'll post more later on our summer adventures and the chaos of my life with three great kids!

New Kind of Tanning Bed Ok'ed by Me

So I have officially approved a new so-called tanning bed, if you really have that desire to glow. People are out there itching to get that beautiful tan, while Brian is still dead and buried.
But Tye found the perfect solution. It is so perfect that I should charge you for this information.

He has the glow, that beautiful tan. He got it at school today. He got it even with sunscreen on. No burn, no blisters. Just plain beauty. From a distance, he had taken on that bronze coloring...

Well, until you got up close to him. At that point, it started to look more like that fake tanning lotion, you know the kind that turns you a slight shade of orange? It was like a spray on tan. And it was pretty darn even, until you looked at the knees, in which case one might discern that this tan came only from the dust, the golden dust of playground rocks. He said he got like that because he buried his legs in the rocks.

But he seriously looked like he had been on vacation in the Caribbean for a month. He even had a sock line!

I would take a picture and show you, but he just washed that dirty, grimy beautiful glow right down the drain with some good old soap and water.

I've got to tell you, I think he had a lot more fun getting his tan this way!

Sweet Grammie

Over the past several years, I have had to stop myself to even grieve for the loss of my own mother, so young...losing her was awful in itself, so sudden...yet compounded by how much love and support she had given me through my divorce, and then again during Brian's illness. Her death came out of nowhere, and I was land blasted, to say the least. I threw myself into trying to care for Brian, and any glimpse at grief for my mom was even worse because I so desperately needed to be held up. I remember crying my eyes out one day, and I couldn't remember if I was crying because my mom was dead or because Brian was dying. The two started to become interchanged some. My counselor finally told me I had to deal with them both together because they both happened together. Even so, I still am not completely sure I have followed a healthy grieving process for either of them.

Something happened tonight that made my heart flutter. It was odd. It was special. I was tucking Rachel in, and she said...have you ever noticed the smell of that closet. I was like, what? I walked toward her closet and she said...no, the other one. Before I could turn to get to her other closet (yes, she has 2 closets because her room used to be 2 small rooms)...she said...no, that other closet. She jumped out of bed and led me into the family room, then leaned into the small closet, which is where I keep blankets (it is just a small closet under the steps). She dug around and kept leaning in smelling. She said...do you smell that? I am sniffing around and thinking, um, no.

She back out of the closet and said...I can't smell it now either, but something in there smells like Grammie...I don't know what it is, but I can smell it.

My heart skipped a beat. I think mostly I was so happy that if something indeed does smell like my mom in there, she actually noticed and remembered. It is amazing, how our senses are connected to our memory. She went on to her room and I tucked her in. I've been in the closet 3 times now, digging around to see what is in there and basically just sniffing around! I don't smell anything. I kept thinking maybe something that reminded her of her house, or her perfume. So far, I can't find it.

I hope I do. But for now, I am just so happy that Rachel did.

Sweet Music to My Ears!

Well, I have decided as of today that there is just no sweeter sound than hearing the giggles and screams of laughter from my 3 great kids as I pushed them as hard as I could on a merry-go-round. That felt like pure joy to me!

And Amberlea added to the fun when she let out one heck of a fart in the midst of her laughter (she would die if she knew I put that on here, but since none of her friends read this, I'll go ahead)! That got Rachel and Tye pretty riled up too!

I had a great day today. Todd, Jamie and Trace came to visit, and Grandma and Grandpa tagged along. It makes me feel close to Brian to have them around. That is the 2nd time this week that Phillip and Denise surprised me because they showed up for Tye's ballgame on Tuesday night (it was rained out) by just ringing my doorbell. So it was great to get to see them twice in just a matter of days. I put Todd and Phillip to work today, and I always appreciate what they do to help me around the house. Denise is coming back for the weekend to help me get things ready for the big Eickholt Campout on the last weekend of May. I can sure put her to work, but I'm also looking forward to someone giving Tye lots of attention while I get some things done that are in desperate need of my attention.

And you just about can't beat the weather today. Now, if it would just stay like this for a while!

Hope you have a great week. I know I will, with only 4 1/2 days of school left. Yippee!

Take Me Out to the Ballgame

I must admit, I had a hard time feeling sad last night for Tye's first t-ball game because I was so darned excited. Maybe it's because my girls don't play softball; maybe it is just the Momma in me, enjoying the boy in Tye; maybe it was just because I knew Brian would be so proud. I missed him terribly, but I felt good to be in the bleachers, cheering Tye on. I know I don't have to be sad all the time, just so many things do make me sad. But last night was nice.

You'll get a kick out of this...his team is sponsored by an animal control company!

Little Shortstop! When the ball came to him, he ran and dove on the ground to stop it, then jumped up with it and threw it to 1st base! I was shocked. I mean, we've been practicing, and he's had team practice with Uncle TJ (his coach...yes, he is crazy and coaching Tye and Tori both!) But still, when he scurried after the ball and dove for it, I was jumping for joy!

If anyone batting would miss the ball or hit the tee, Tye would just shake his head. He nailed it both times he was up to bat.



Here he is, running from 1st to 2nd!

And then running in to touch home plate...
This is his only time touching home plate because on his second time around the bases, he was waiting on 3rd, and when the batter hit the ball, he took off running and went into the dugout. It was the last batter of the game, so I went over and said...hey, you forgot to go home! He looked surprised and then said...oops! The crowd got a good laugh, and I am happy to say that Tye was not the only one who did that!

Tye will easily be the one who gets penalties for excessive celebration. After he stopped the ball at shortstop, he danced a little jig.

We had spent the earlier part of the afternoon cleaning in the garage (not done, but some serious headway!). We kept super busy last night, and headed over to school to plant a tree right after Tye's game. Our good friends, the Holtmans, had purchased a tree to plant near the preschool playground in hopes of it providing shade for years to come. Thanks Holtmans, for taking such good care of us, and for helping us celebrate Brian's life.

Sonic or KFC, or Both?

I took the day off for my last personal day, as I don't get to convert mine to sick days and will lose it if I don't take it. The year really flew by and I can't believe I was actually having trouble finding a time to take off! My cousins and aunt were in town today to order the headstone for my uncle, so it made a good day for me to be off so I could spend some time with them. I finished some painting and lots of other house things, then enjoyed visiting for a long lunch.

On a whim, I decided to call out and see if the aquatic center at the university is open this month. They are open just during the week, and I asked the girls when I picked them up if they wanted to go. We had to run to the store to get a swim suit, and I hate to say, but it was a far stretch for a 12 year-old's swim suit...string bikini, um, no...one piece that is cut in on the sides almost to the belly button, um, nope. Finally found a basic black and white tank and bottoms that looks nice on her...definitely not worth the $24, but hey, she seriously needed something. So off we went...I am so hoping Tye might be able to be on swim team, and we had a great time playing and practicing. The next thing I knew, it was nearly 6:30. Rachel was supposed to go to youth group, but she has had a ton of homework during the last few weeks, especially tonight (darn sub, just kidding Susie!)...so we just decided spending time as a family was a lot of fun and she needed to do her homework.

On the way out to the van, Amberlea reminded me that she needed a sack lunch for her field trip to K.C. tomorrow. So I drove through Sonic and got supper because the kids were famished, then ran to Hy-Vee to get just a few quick items to complete her lunch. Rachel and Tye stayed in the van eating. We came back out and Amberlea got in to get her supper, and it was gone! She said...did you eat my food?! Tye just looked all innocent and said...I was hungry!

And all I could do was laugh.

The funny part is that Amberlea always BEGS to go to KFC. Tonight of all nights, she willingly had agreed on Sonic. I'm still laughing. I looked in the rearview mirror, and Tye was looking at me like...WHAT!? And Amberlea was looking at me like...I CAN'T BELIEVE HE DID THAT! So I giggled and said...how about KFC?

Ooo, yum, ok. So we drove through and got Amberlea some food, and she let Tye know when it came that she was going to eat all of it.

Overdue

I am way overdue for an updated post on here. I have been so busy that I can barely see straight. May is just so unbelievably crazy! School is just flying by, and while that is good to a point, I am struggling to get everything done!

We took the 5th and 6th graders on a field trip yesterday to Kansas City. We had a super day! We spent the morning volunteering at Operation Breakthrough, an inner city daycare. Wow! Then we went to Mass at the Cathedral and took a tour. I wish I could be there when the light comes through the rose window and reflects on the altar! We headed back to mini-golf in St. Joe. The weather was beautiful and the kids were well-behaved as usual, which made for a fun afternoon. We finished up with ice cream at Culver's, and we were headed back to the ville after a great time with friends. Rachel was of course on this field trip, and it was fun to spend the day with her.

Amberlea is quite disappointed that I can't go on her field trip next week. I have to stay in town because it is also preschool day in the lunchroom, and considering I am Tye's only parent, this is just not something I can miss.

Slap! Just another reminder.

The Mother's Day things are starting to get to me. I just can't believe my own mom has been dead for three years now! I read a post recently that said something like this...you realize you are no longer a child when you lose your own mother. So true! I admit that I have odd moments once in a while when I just want my mommy. You know, that funny butterfly feeling you got at school once in a while, or at a sleepover? It still happens to me once in a while, even at 35 years old. So all the commercials and advertisements on Mother's Day can be difficult.

Mother's Day seems to get to me in another sense too. Brian should be taking care of Mother's Day. He always took the kids and shopped, and he made decisions on what we would have for lunch. He coordinated the day, and it always felt good to be pampered. Now that responsibility rests on the shoulders of a 12 year-old.

Slap! Again, not fair to Rachel. I have to admit though, if she can get her ducks in a row about it all, she just beams with excitement!

She finally just asked me this week if I could loan her some money because she had lots of really good ideas. I choked back the tears and mostly just felt angry that she can't just do what normal kids do with Mother's Day. She is so amazing at trying to do things to make me feel special. So I just smiled and told Rachel I didn't expect her to get me anything. She said, but I want to. I took a deep breath and repeated to her what I read about a single father once...he had 2 young children, and he was blogging about how funny it was to give them money to buy him a present. He said he had just resigned himself that there was nothing else he could do about it. And I said, then just buy what you want and I'll pay you for it because you shouldn't have to borrow money to buy me something for Mother's Day. She lit up! How much can I spend? I responded...how much were you going to spend? (I could see the wheels turning). So we came to an agreement on what is reasonable.

Then came the issue of how she would get to the store. She told me she would put Amberlea on the back of her bike, and the two of them got a laugh. Abby has been very kind to do a lot of running for Rachel. I appreciate that she chooses to just do what is best for Rachel and Amberlea, and she is willing to help them with these types of things. Even so, I don't think she should have to be figuring out what her husband's ex-wife is getting for Mother's Day.

Rachel asked me what she should do about it. I told her if Abby was willing to do it, that was fine. Then I told her she was old enough and there were probably lots of others out there who would run her places if she just asked them. I told her she just needs to tell them what she needs. I think the responsibility falls on Abby sometimes because she is also watching out for them, knowing how devastated they would be if they didn't do anything for Mother's Day or my birthday or other times. So Rachel made a phone call today and Erin hauled the kids around for a while this morning while I played with Luke.

Slap! It didn't take away the pain of knowing there is no one to make sure this gets taken care of. I don't even know what got settled with the money side of it, which I don't really even care about.

The girls and Tye and I spent the afternoon at the Food Pantry, sorting food from the postal workers food drive today. It is always good work to spend time there.

Tye has his first tee ball game on Tuesday, which will be attended by Uncle Jacob, considering I have to be at a concert halfway through the game.

Slap, yet again! I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. But dang, I guess I'll never get the "you go one way, I'll go the other" parenting...and I just can't seem to spread myself around enough.