School Has Started

Tye (upon leaving Barb's just before lunch last week): I am STARVING!

Me: We are headed home and I will make lunch.

Tye: I mean I'm really hungry!

Me: It sounds like it.

Tye: I'm so hungry I could eat a...a...a whole person!

Me: Wow!

Tye: I could eat a whole pizza place!

Me: Wow, I can tell you are really hungry! You know, when you are super hungry, sometimes people say they are so hungry they could eat a horse.

Tye: HORSE! Ha! I wouldn't want to eat a horse!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Tye (on the way home from the first day of kindergarten): I'm tired.

Me: I know, you look tired.

Tye: I had a great day!

Me: I am so glad!

Tye: And you know what, I didn't even miss you one bit.

Me...sigh.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I am missing a cord to my camera, so I can't upload the pictures of the kids on the first day of school. I also have some on my camera from our trip to Adventureland, so hopefully I can get those up soon. The 1st and 2nd day of school went well, with the exception of Tye working on not punching anyone! Thankfully, his punching is friendly, albeit the recipients don't like it, but at least it isn't a mad punch, more of a silly-I can't control myself-I want to wrestle you kind of punch. Boys, I swear. We are going to really be working on this. We have worked really hard on sleeping in his own bed, going to bed on his own, all that. It is going very well, and it is so hard to work on lots of things at once! I mean, it's not like anyone at home is punching him, so I don't know what his deal is. I don't see Tye hardly at all during the day, so that is good for us both, with him wanting to run to me last year. I do get to see Amberlea a little bit more at lunch because last year it was literally a quick hi and she was gone. Rachel was in my class last year, so I have missed her this year...doubt she has missed me! I'll get to see her tomorrow for 7th grade social studies, and she'll love me because they have a lot of homework in there! She is pretty studious, so I'm sure she'll be fine and actually like the fact that they have work time in there also. She's popped her head in a few times to see me, which has been nice. Great perk of teaching where your kids go to school!

Tomorrow also starts volleyball for Rachel, which means she basically has something after school everyday through Dec. 3 because volleyball and basketball are literally back to back...maybe a few days off. She is excited, and she does seem to do well when she has a lot going on. She loves being with her friends too, so all that extra after school means more friend time!

I think we are going to be very busy in the coming months...

Update

I am still trying to figure out each time just which blog I should write on. I try to categorize, am I writing about melanoma or life as a widow or dealing with Brian's death, or am I writing about normal kid things. Anyway, I still don't have it straight yet. If you saw the other blog recently, I talked about Tye wanting to go to the cemetery. I decided tonight to do some updating on here about a few things that have happened this week, even though some of it does have to do with Brian.

It took several days to get to "Daddy's Garden". Each time, Tye would change his mind. We went the other night after being at Wal-Mart, and he had conned me into a drink. He hopped out of the van and carried his drink over and checked things out. He thought it was interesting that the grass was shorter all around Brian and Mom's graves. I pointed out that Papa weed eats to keep it cleaned up! He climbed up on Brian's headstone and just sighed. Then he said...you sit on your mom's too. So I sat on my mom's headstone, and we looked at the clouds, which had kind of an orangy purple color with the sun shining just right. He drank his drink and we talked. He turned around the opposite way on the headstone. Brian and Mom are buried at the edge of the cemetery near a field. He said...I'm pretty sure they planted corn here last year, but now it looks like soybeans. Then he climbed down and went over to the edge of the field, shook his head and said...hmm, looks good. Then he told me he thought he should call Papa Phillip to see how his soybeans are doing.

Then we walked up a few graves to where my grandparents and my Uncle Gary are buried. Tye put his hands on his hips and said...hmm, the grass is shorter here too! Maybe someone weed eated this! I said...well, Papa did this too because these are my grandparents, and this is Grammie's brother. He looked shocked and said...you have a grandpa? Then he straightened a few things on Gary's grave, and off we went.

He announced that he wanted a daddy pillow for school. I was caught off guard and totally didn't even think about making one out of one of Brian's t-shirts. I got some Royals fleece and a pre-made pillow, and this little Susie Homemaker whipped up a pretty decent pillow! I surprised myself even! This morning when I showed him, he squeezed it and then said...it doesn't smell like Daddy! I said...well, ok, what do you want to do? He went and got Brian's cologne and sprayed it, then smiled and sniffed the air. He had a look on his face like Heaven, like he was smelling chocolate chip cookies or something. It was heartbreaking and precious. He picked Brian's favorite Jeff Gordon shirt for his paint shirt at school.

I am very excited that he could incorporate some things of Brian's for kindergarten. It is bittersweet because I so wish it wasn't my kid who had to settle for the smell of his Daddy or an old shirt to be close to him. These things seem to make him very happy right now, and it feels good for him not to be so sad about Daddy. He was very excited to show his teacher too!

He has slept in his own bed for FOUR nights now! Wow! If you don't know, he has slept with me since Brian died. Most of it was for him, some of it was for me. I have tried to transition him back, but it hasn't worked. I am working really hard this time, and so far so good. He has enjoyed Amberlea climbing into bed with him to snuggle on a few nights, but last night she wasn't here, so he went to sleep on his own! The night before last she had snuggled with him, then got out of bed and climbed in bed with me. I didn't even realize it until I got up. Then when he was up and getting dressed, he came in, looked at her in bed, and said...WHAT is SHE doing in here! I fibbed a little and said she got in bed when she heard my alarm. He said...ok then, and had that look like he was going to be keeping track now!

The girls got everything to their rooms tonight for open house. I can barely fathom that Rachel is now in 7th grade and Amberlea is in 4th! They are both excited for another great year. Rachel is getting ready to start volleyball and be super busy for the next several months! Amberlea will start soccer soon also, and Tye will be doing soccer and flag football both.

My dad helped me out tonight with open house since I needed to be in my classroom. He took Tye for the evening, then brought him up for a light supper in the gym and on to my room. Dad hung out with Tye and me while Tye unpacked his school supplies. It has certainly been a few years since he's chased a kid around St. Gregory's! Thanks Dad for the help!

Argh Matey!

I just went shopping with my 9 year-old at Wal-Mart. It is always an event when she is with me alone. She has quite a personality. She had a shopping list with her that included a mango and coconut milk, which came from a late night discussion on foods from Hawaii! So...we ran into my secretary from school and were chatting. Amberlea came back with dried mango. Janet sent her son with Amberlea to find a fresh mango, and she is on cloud 9. Thanks Shawn!

And then she started talking pirate talk. I was cracking up. The cool as a cucumber checker was even cracking up because she makes for a pretty good pirate!

There was a pretty good storm tonight. Actually it still seems to be lingering. Amberlea always gets a bit wound up when the weather is like this...I think it makes her nervous.

Tomorrow I am heading back to school. I have a ton of work to do, so I can only hope to be productive!

Kidz Update

I have several things to update, but I'm starting with the girls. Rachel has reminded me that I blog about Tye a lot, so I'm going to start with the girls today...

Rachel has been very busy this summer. Summer Spike volleyball in Fairfax started immediately after school was out. She was a bit nervous (me too) because she has never really played volleyball. But she needed to figure it out since she'll be playing interscholastic at school this fall. She made amazing improvements, and she (and I) don't think she'll embarrass herself too much! Ha! Actually, she's doing pretty well and she did really have fun with it, and I thought it was a lot of fun to watch. She also went to the high school volleyball camp, which she enjoyed also.

She decided to stay on swim team this year. I hope she does again next year so I can have all three of my kids in the same activity for at least one summer! She seemed to still enjoy it, and she knows it is great exercise. We've gone to the pool a lot, but sometimes we go in spurts. Now that I think about it, we haven't been for a few weeks (thanks to the interesting fall weather).

She loved loved loved music camp. Again, the social side of her makes her really enjoy things like this, but she loved the music. She and her friends already have plans to actually stay at the dorms next year.

She is also babysitting for my sister's kids once a week. This has been a great way for her to make money and get babysitting experience, and she enjoys spending time with Tori and Don. She has had the chance to do a little bit of other babysitting, but would love to do more.

Rachel has been very social this summer. She keeps busy on the computer and texting, and she meets herself coming and going a lot. She goes from one activity to another, and has a hard time understanding that we want her at home with us too. She loves to hang out with friends, go on bike rides, talk on the phone, just sit and chat. She is a very fun kid to be around!

She got her top braces off. The bottoms had to wait another 6 weeks, and will come off tentatively on Aug. 20. She has had her tops on since the first week of September 2006, and I am just amazed that so much time has passed. She has grown up so much, in so many ways! I would have been ok if the doctor would have just said for her to leave her braces on for a few more years because she looked a lot younger with them! One night we were out to eat at Applebee's with Brian's parents, and we had all ordered a drink. She asked if she could get one too, and then she ordered a strawberry daiquiri. She barely paused to tell the girl that she wanted it non-alcoholic, but before she could, the girl kind of looked at her like hmm. I cut her off and said...virgin please. She said...I thought she wasn't old enough. I said...um, she's 12! She looked at both of us like, no way! I looked at Rachel and thought, ok, she doesn't look 12 but she sure doesn't look 21, does she?

Rachel also went to tennis camp, which gave her a chance to simply learn how to play the game. The kids and I all got tennis rackets in our Easter baskets, and now she can play instead of just walking around hitting the ball.

She is gearing up for 7th grade, and the fact that her schedule will be very hectic with all the activities she is involved in. I love chasing her around to everything, and she loves being involved and staying active.

Amberlea has also been busy this summer, but not nearly as much as Rachel. She enjoyed swim team also this year. She is in that really odd stage where she is too young for everything. Too young for tennis camp, too young for other activities that Rachel was involved in. She also doesn't have nearly the social life that Rachel has (Rachel didn't at her age either) but that is hard for her to understand Rachel always having something to do. It is sometimes hard for Rachel to understand that Amberlea has nothing to do, and she needs to spend time with her instead of other friends. I have been able to spend a lot of time with Amberlea, just the two of us. She has slept with me several times, and I chuckle because she talks and talks as soon as we get in bed. She has a very funny sense of humor!

The other day we "shopped" through her school supplies from last year to see if anything could be reused. She remembered that she had a brand new backpack in her closet from 2nd grade. I had forgotten about it, in the midst of Brian dying and us moving. I said...well, go get it. She said...um, I think it is full! So we dug through the supplies from 2nd grade also! She has always been my keeper...she hoards things and finds use in all kinds of things. Like once she kept a pair of tights that had a rip in the thigh...she cut them off to make socks, then figured out that they wouldn't stay up! Another time when she was about 2, I couldn't find my calculator and she went and looked in her bottom dresser drawer and found it. Last year when I painted the bathroom, she begged me to let her keep the empty paint can because "I have always wanted one". I shouldn't complain because we were able to cross off over half of her school supplies from the list!

I find Amberlea to be a typical 2nd child. She has a hard time realizing that Rachel is doing things that we didn't let her do at Amberlea's age. I think I have finally convinced her that Rachel has some things she will need for school that she just doesn't need, but she will need them someday.

I've already updated a lot of Tye. He went to the dentist for the first time yesterday. No cavities! Always great, of course. I have wondered about a front tooth of his on the top left because in the past several months, I noticed that it seems pushed forward. Before he lost the other teeth, I originally thought maybe it was just loose. He would comment once in a while that it felt funny, but it didn't feel loose to me. Then he lost the bottom two, one in May and one about 2 weeks ago. The x-ray showed significant root damage. The dentist said it looked like it was caused by trauma, that he had likely bumped his tooth at some point. He asked me if I remembered anything, and of course I didn't. It did make me think about the story of Brian, as he lost his front teeth a few years too early when he hit the handlebars on Uncle Rog's motorcycle. So he had no front teeth for a few years! Anyway, so the dentist said he wanted to check a little more, and while he was starting to look at his mouth again, said it looked like something that could become a problem. He said it would not be a vital tooth since the root is dead. He was still in the middle of explaining it to me, saying that we would have to watch it so it didn't develop a red area or like a puss pocket, when he lifted Tye's top lip and there it was...a big red area that clearly showed an abscessed tooth! So he stopped mid-sentence and said...the tooth fairy needs that tooth! So Tye is schedule to go "float on a cloud" and get that tooth removed on Aug. 10th. Now I kind of wish he would just bump it out because I really hate paying to pull a baby tooth that will probably fall out in the next 6 mos. anyway! But I could see it too, and we looked again on the x-ray to see the damage and infection in the root...it was also messing with the incoming tooth and causing it to not be even with the other one. His school pictures in Aug. will be interesting, with just one front tooth (if it lasts that long because they loosen up pretty quickly when they are the only one doing the job).

The kids are all at vacation Bible school. Rachel is actually volunteering this year and loving the little preschoolers. Tye and Amberlea are enjoying the songs, and I was able to go on-line and buy the CD. The summer is quickly winding down! I have been the mom taxi all summer, and I am thankful for being a teacher so I can do it instead of having to hire someone. I have been all over the place!

I Didn't Do it, and I'm a Loser Pants

Tye is in rare form today. He is soooo ready for school. I think he really misses playing with friends, and his sisters aren't giving him the attention he wants, so he is finding ornery ways to get it.

The day started out with Rachel quite surprised by the pink water coming from the faucet. Seems that there was an equipment malfunction at the water plant, and too much sodium permangenate was added. The water maintenance guy told me it was like that all over town, and that it is safe to drink. I was thinking, are you kidding? Then he said he wouldn't drink it, and then also warned me not to wash any white clothes.

So I headed downstairs to tell Tye so he wouldn't drink the water. I didn't think it would harm him, but I just decided we would all avoid it, considering the other crazy things that have happened to us.

Hey Tye, come here a minute....as he was coming to the bathroom, I pulled the plug on the sink and started running the water.

I said...something is wrong with the water.

Before I could finish, he looked very curiously at the sink and said...I DIDN'T DO IT!

Amberlea was cracking up! So he was quilty of something first thing this morning.

Then I realized he was using a glass cup as a peg leg for his pirate costume.
Then he decided to dust, and got a little carried away. A few pictures fell, but all is well.

Then he flung a large hair band at Amberlea and hit her in the eye. She was sitting on the floor playing with the magnetix. He told her he was sorry about 50 times and begged her to let him play. Finally they decided to make pictures with the magnets and have each other guess. I was guessing, and I couldn't tell what his was. He crumpled up the magnets and said, she's a winner and I'm a loser pants.

Laugh.

Giggle.

Chuckle.

I mean, what DO you say to that?

He asked me the other day what you call a baby woodpecker. I was like, well, um, let me see. Rachel was laughing her head off, and saying, yeah, come on Mom, what do you call a baby woodpecker? I was giggling, and finally I said that I guessed it was like any other bird.

He said...NO! Mom! You just call it a baby woodpecker.

Amberlea slept with me last night. It was a lot of fun because I have had a lot of trouble getting to sleep for the last several weeks, so Tye was conked out, and Amberlea was rambling a mile a minute. She was so excited to be able to tell me all about her float trip, uninterrupted and unedited (you know, Rachel not correcting her).

Another Birthday

Today is my birthday. My 36th birthday. So I'm not a 34 year-old widow anymore.

I awoke this morning to a tap on my door. Tori, Luke and Erin were there with fresh-baked cinnamon rolls! They brought a card, and also a singing card from my children, which also had a recorded message! Rachel and Amberlea were gone until about 1:30 with their dad on a float trip all weekend, which couldn't be scheduled any other time besides my birthday. So it was great to hear their voices still!

I had several phone calls, texts, and well wishes. I got lots of happy birthdays from facebook (thanks everyone). And when my kids got home, they gave me the coolest candle warmer. It plugs in and melts scented wax, and our whole house smells so nice. They picked out grape, blueberry cheesecake and sugar cookie, so we have some great scents to try out. Thanks Abby for helping Rachel do some planning on this. I also got a firetruck, amongst a huge set of tears from Tye because he didn't feel that he had gotten me anything for my birthday. This happened some with Mother's Day, and then today it was just too much for him. I find it to be an interesting position to be in, and I don't really know how to handle it. I don't know what is right, I know that nothing feels right. I finally started giving Rachel money for Mother's Day this year. I was really cracked up when she called me when I was in Boston and asked me if I was going to give her money for my birthday also. At first I was like, what? Then she kind of paused and said...I found something I want to get you for your birthday and I want to know if I can have some money.

I told you my life is crazy.

So back to the firetruck. He insisted on wrapping it for me; Rachel insisted it wasn't necessary. A lot of crying later, I convinced her that it might make him feel better and it wasn't going to hurt anything. He just beamed when I opened it. Not sure what my plan will be for next year, but something is going to have to change because he is old enough to know he didn't buy me anything or make me anything or really do anything for me for my birthday. Last night he told me he was going to cook me breakfast this morning, and I prayed I would wake up before he started cooking, just in case! As it was, he slept in. Today he kept telling me all day today how much he loves me. Several times he would just say...so today is your birthday?

I got a hefty dose of our home lacking another parent today. I'm not sure if I feel bad or what I feel. I have worked really hard not to put pressure on Rachel, not to put her in the position of having to be responsible for things that most other 12 year-olds don't have to worry about. Around 3pm she asked me if she could ride to Dollar General to get frosting. I told her that we needed to go to the store for something for supper, and she could buy some frosting then if she wanted. What is for supper, she asked. I said I was hoping they could come up with something they wanted to make that sounded good, and then the 3 of them could make it together (thinking this would actually involve Tye). Amberlea thought this was a great idea, and Rachel ho-hummed around and couldn't make up her mind, then ended up on the computer...she's been out of touch since Thursday night since she was on the float trip! Amberlea went and asked her again, and finally after 6 sometime, I went to the store on my own and got stuff for homemade pizza. I stopped at the cemetery and got my own tears out because Brian is gone and my mom is gone too, and she would never have let this happen. I recovered and keep reminding myself to be thankful for living to see 36 (Brian didn't get to) and hoping to God I am still alive in 18 years to see 54 (my mom didn't get to). Still, I opened my eyes this morning and have been baffled all day that I am 36...what happened to being in my twenties?

I came home from the store and made myself supper, with a little help from Amberlea and Tye. While the pizza was baking, Rachel came up from her room, a little surprised that I was cooking supper. I said...well, it is 7:36 and I figure we need to eat. She said...well, did you get any frosting? I just sighed and said...well, no I didn't feel like deciding about my own birthday cake.

She decided to take Amberlea with her to Dollar General, and they were back in time for the pizza to be out of the oven. They baked a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and sprinkles, and we had snicker's ice cream too! It was very yummy! Tye was about to split, he was so excited to help.

My dad stopped by with a really neat clock/hygrometer/thermometer for outside. We hung it on the side of my house, and it looks great. I have always wanted one, but always think I should save my money or spend it on something I need. So it was a nice surprise. Dad ate some pizza and cake too, and we sat on the deck on such a nice evening and visited. While we were out there, the girls surprised me with cleaning up the kitchen from supper, and some other things that were out too. That was a very nice surprise.

So it was a good birthday. I try not to have any expectations, because what I really, really want can never happen. So those of you out there who have spouses who make a big deal out of your birthday...relish in it because you will miss it when it is gone someday. I think next year I am just going to actually plan my birthday myself and have something set for us to do, like go swimming or bowling or out of town. It would be easier on me, and definitely easier on the kids. I am really proud of Rachel for all she does, and the fact is, she isn't Brian and she isn't supposed to be. She's my 12 year-old kid who is very thoughtful and sneaky! (with my money...ha!)

Tye and I went to Bethany last night to meet Phillip and Denise. They took us out to supper for my birthday. We had a great visit, and are making plans for Tye to go stay at Unionville for a few days at the end of the week.

Yesterday we also went to a bowling party for Tori and Don. Their b-days are the 2oth and 22nd, and Luke's is the 28th! Yes, Erin tried 3x to be due around my birthday, and she missed it all 3 times! Ha!

Rachel is going to tennis camp this week. She doesn't know how to play tennis. The coach is a friend of ours, and she tells me others come to camp without knowing, some even come without a racket! She has a racket, at least! She is excited to learn how to really play! Amberlea is one year too young (story of Amberlea's life right now), so I'm not sure what all she is going to do this week. Hopefully I can find something fun to do.

I'm Still Here!

I have been reprimanded by my 12 year-0ld for not posting on this site. She reminded me that I have updated the melanoma blog lots of times, and it has been a long time since I've written on this one. I asked her if she would like to be a guest blogger, to write about our life, and we'll see if she takes me up on this.

I do have a lot to tell about my three great, amazing, beautiful children, so I'll try to do a better job of updating. Look for lots of new posts in the coming days!

We went to the Great Wolf Lodge in Kansas City. And here is what I think about all of it...

*We could check in at 1pm, and by 1:15 when I was pre-checking in, our room was ready. We didn't have to wait until 4pm. Even if we did, we were still allowed to use the waterpark starting at 1.

*I upgraded to a kids cabin. This had 3 bunks that were like a cabin, and my kids thought it was awesome. I got a great deal doing it this way, so if you ever want the nicer room, go cheap and then upgrade cheap when you get there.

*We slept in and I fed the kids donuts and juice in bed. They thought that was pretty cool too.

*We were allowed to stay until closing on the day we checked out. We only stayed one night, but had from 1pm on Monday until 9pm on Tuesday to play. While the prices can be high, we really got a whole lot of fun time for that one night. I can't imagine staying 2 nights because we were just pooped by the time we left at nearly 9pm last night.

So Tye and Amberlea had shots today (Tye for kindergarten, Amberlea because she never had the chicken pox, and I got her the shot right before starting preschool, but I somehow missed that she would need a booster). She was a real trooper, smiling all the way and trying to pump Tye up for what was coming. He was Mr. Cool until the first prick, and then I felt like a labor coach. He was huffing and puffing and telling the nurse "THAT HURTS!" and I totally got knocked down on the mommy-o-meter for the day. By the end of 4 shots, he was beat red and sweating. He sobbed all the way to the van and then home. Amberlea said she thought she was going to start crying too because he was so upset. I was really feeling bad, and the nurse said, believe me, we've had way worse. Then Amberlea said that her little sister got really upset too, way worse than Tye, and I was thinking, how much worse could it have been? Somehow my nephew's cool attitude earlier in the summer made me think his shots went great. When I mentioned it tonight, Karis said heck no, that he got really upset and it was a bad deal. I still had high hopes that I had him prepped. Even a show we watched the other day had a little penguin getting ready for school and he had to get his shots. He said it hurt and he didn't like it, but it was going to be ok. I guess that all sounds fine until the poking starts, and then it is all over.

Tye really wants a cat. I am not a cat lover. They are cute and all, but I wasn't raised with animals, and it is just not something I am excited about. Tonight's conversation...

(we saw a black cat at the park)
Tye: So can I get a cat? I really want a cat.
Me: No, I just don't think we need a cat.
Tye: Because Zep will chase her?
Me: Yes, and because I don't think we need one.
Tye: But I want a cat and also a mouse so the cat can chase it.
Me: Now I am telling you I for sure don't want a mouse.
(He's been watching a little bit of Tom and Jerry)
Tye: Ok, you're right Mom, cuz if we get a mouse, then Grandma will never come visit us.
(Tye knows his Grandma too well!)

He has now lost his 2nd tooth, and this one actually made it into a glass of water for the tooth fairy. His 1st tooth disappeared before it ever made it. He was very excited last night, and then again this morning to see if she had been here.

I will post pictures about Great Wolf soon. I also have lots to tell you about Rachel and Amberlea, but I'll post that in a day or so, so I have time to write what all is going on.