Life is So Unpredictable

The phone rang this morning at 6:45. I shot out of bed. I have never gotten used to being awaken by the phone. A phone call in the wee morning hours of a day in April 2006 changed my life forever. My mom was dead. Gone. No warning, no goodbye, no do over's. I have said since then, I have lost my innocence. My mind seems to always wander to the worst case scenarios. Someone who is a few minutes late, someone who won't answer their phone, someone who is traveling. And then add the worry of Brian's situation, and I seem to often think the worst. It is something I have to fight because it can consume a person. Even thinking clearly and being rational goes out the window sometimes.

And when I realized the time that the phone was ringing, my mind...my heart...all thought...what happened? My brain automatically causes my heart to sink as I stumbled to the phone.

And I was right. It was my dad calling to let me know that a very close friend of my mom's lost her husband unexpectedly yesterday. His wife was a bridesmaid and he was a groomsman in my parents' wedding. On their honeymoon, he and his wife came to Clovis, NM to see me as a brand new baby, which means their anniversary is sometime right around now and they have been married 37 years. (My 37th birthday was on Monday).

It seems so different to relive my own tragedy in my mind when I hear of others. My empathy level is so different because I've been there, I've done that, I've felt the feelings of sudden loss, of how things in life are going along just great and BAM! And I am saddened by their loss, and the loss of what is to come.

As a motherless mother, it is a reminder to me that today is a gift, and tomorrow is not promised to any of us.

My prayers today are for peace for the whole Crites family, and comfort in the memories of Ron.