Deeply Saddened by the News

This week I was deeply saddened to hear of a young St. Joe boy who took his own life. I have spent many moments this week in prayer for him, his family, friends, teachers, and for all who find themselves in a situation that seems so bleak. This child was only 14 days younger than my Rachel (12 1/2). He looks like he could be anybody's child, and I know he is loved and missed my many. My heart aches in knowing this pain will last forever.

I think one thing that has changed drastically about me is my empathy. I mean I always cried at movies, felt sad for others, and thought about how I would feel in other situations. But being in the midst of my own tragedies, my own trials and my own grief, I find I empathize with so many about any type of loss. And having a child the same age just hits home. While we can never know what truly led him to this, I pray that he might have peace, and that his family may be surrounded by the love of others to bring them through these difficult days.

A Few Comments and then Lots of Pictures!

We went to the Ed Phillips Memorial Rodeo over the weekend. Tye actually went on Friday night also, but we all went on Saturday, along with Phillip and Denise. The weather was simply beautiful. If you have never been, it is just a lot of fun, and I don't know why I haven't gone more in my life (just went for the 1st time last year).

The announcer asked that the kids get back from the fence. Tye wasn't really climbing on the fence much, but I hollered for him to come back up and sit with us. He climbed the stairs and then questioned us. I said...the guy said kids are supposed to come back and sit with their Moms and Dads. He replied...but I don't have a dad to sit with!

Sigh...

Tye: Mom, I really want to be a man who has a horse.

Me: Ok, maybe someday.

Tye: But, Mom! I don't have a mustache yet. I need a mustache.

Tye and Zep

Me at the Atlantic Ocean (1st time to see the ocean). Boston was beautiful!

Tye tending to Daddy's grave on Father's Day.

He decided he didn't want flowers, so he took Royals balloons instead.

Grandma and Tye on the balloons at Adventureland

3 GREAT KIDS waiting in line to ride Tye's first rollercoaster

Tye on the Carousel

Denise, Rachel and Me enjoying a relaxing ride!

Tye on the Frog Hopper...he giggled the whole time!

Grandma and Rachel on the train

Rachel and Amberlea on the washing machine (can't remember what it was called).

I rode it too, and it was a doozie! This was one of the times I sat out because I think I am too old for this kind of ride!

Easily one of Tye's favorite rides!

Tye is packed and ready for his first day of kindergarten!

Thanks to our neighbor Cindy, who happened to be walking her dog, so she snapped a few pictures of us together before we left.

Amberlea all ready for her 1st day of 4th grade...seems like she just started school! Notice the toe...stubbed it real bad and had to have some dramatic rehab for it!

Mom and Tye, snuggling up before leaving! It is harder when it is your last one going to kindergarten!

Tye with his teacher, Mrs. Wiederholt

Rachel almost made us all late, but hey, doesn't she look great for her first day of 7th grade. Wow, how the time has flown! She reminds me often how close she is to high school and how close she is to driving...sigh.

3 GREAT KIDS! Ready for school!

School Has Started

Tye (upon leaving Barb's just before lunch last week): I am STARVING!

Me: We are headed home and I will make lunch.

Tye: I mean I'm really hungry!

Me: It sounds like it.

Tye: I'm so hungry I could eat a...a...a whole person!

Me: Wow!

Tye: I could eat a whole pizza place!

Me: Wow, I can tell you are really hungry! You know, when you are super hungry, sometimes people say they are so hungry they could eat a horse.

Tye: HORSE! Ha! I wouldn't want to eat a horse!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Tye (on the way home from the first day of kindergarten): I'm tired.

Me: I know, you look tired.

Tye: I had a great day!

Me: I am so glad!

Tye: And you know what, I didn't even miss you one bit.

Me...sigh.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I am missing a cord to my camera, so I can't upload the pictures of the kids on the first day of school. I also have some on my camera from our trip to Adventureland, so hopefully I can get those up soon. The 1st and 2nd day of school went well, with the exception of Tye working on not punching anyone! Thankfully, his punching is friendly, albeit the recipients don't like it, but at least it isn't a mad punch, more of a silly-I can't control myself-I want to wrestle you kind of punch. Boys, I swear. We are going to really be working on this. We have worked really hard on sleeping in his own bed, going to bed on his own, all that. It is going very well, and it is so hard to work on lots of things at once! I mean, it's not like anyone at home is punching him, so I don't know what his deal is. I don't see Tye hardly at all during the day, so that is good for us both, with him wanting to run to me last year. I do get to see Amberlea a little bit more at lunch because last year it was literally a quick hi and she was gone. Rachel was in my class last year, so I have missed her this year...doubt she has missed me! I'll get to see her tomorrow for 7th grade social studies, and she'll love me because they have a lot of homework in there! She is pretty studious, so I'm sure she'll be fine and actually like the fact that they have work time in there also. She's popped her head in a few times to see me, which has been nice. Great perk of teaching where your kids go to school!

Tomorrow also starts volleyball for Rachel, which means she basically has something after school everyday through Dec. 3 because volleyball and basketball are literally back to back...maybe a few days off. She is excited, and she does seem to do well when she has a lot going on. She loves being with her friends too, so all that extra after school means more friend time!

I think we are going to be very busy in the coming months...

Update

I am still trying to figure out each time just which blog I should write on. I try to categorize, am I writing about melanoma or life as a widow or dealing with Brian's death, or am I writing about normal kid things. Anyway, I still don't have it straight yet. If you saw the other blog recently, I talked about Tye wanting to go to the cemetery. I decided tonight to do some updating on here about a few things that have happened this week, even though some of it does have to do with Brian.

It took several days to get to "Daddy's Garden". Each time, Tye would change his mind. We went the other night after being at Wal-Mart, and he had conned me into a drink. He hopped out of the van and carried his drink over and checked things out. He thought it was interesting that the grass was shorter all around Brian and Mom's graves. I pointed out that Papa weed eats to keep it cleaned up! He climbed up on Brian's headstone and just sighed. Then he said...you sit on your mom's too. So I sat on my mom's headstone, and we looked at the clouds, which had kind of an orangy purple color with the sun shining just right. He drank his drink and we talked. He turned around the opposite way on the headstone. Brian and Mom are buried at the edge of the cemetery near a field. He said...I'm pretty sure they planted corn here last year, but now it looks like soybeans. Then he climbed down and went over to the edge of the field, shook his head and said...hmm, looks good. Then he told me he thought he should call Papa Phillip to see how his soybeans are doing.

Then we walked up a few graves to where my grandparents and my Uncle Gary are buried. Tye put his hands on his hips and said...hmm, the grass is shorter here too! Maybe someone weed eated this! I said...well, Papa did this too because these are my grandparents, and this is Grammie's brother. He looked shocked and said...you have a grandpa? Then he straightened a few things on Gary's grave, and off we went.

He announced that he wanted a daddy pillow for school. I was caught off guard and totally didn't even think about making one out of one of Brian's t-shirts. I got some Royals fleece and a pre-made pillow, and this little Susie Homemaker whipped up a pretty decent pillow! I surprised myself even! This morning when I showed him, he squeezed it and then said...it doesn't smell like Daddy! I said...well, ok, what do you want to do? He went and got Brian's cologne and sprayed it, then smiled and sniffed the air. He had a look on his face like Heaven, like he was smelling chocolate chip cookies or something. It was heartbreaking and precious. He picked Brian's favorite Jeff Gordon shirt for his paint shirt at school.

I am very excited that he could incorporate some things of Brian's for kindergarten. It is bittersweet because I so wish it wasn't my kid who had to settle for the smell of his Daddy or an old shirt to be close to him. These things seem to make him very happy right now, and it feels good for him not to be so sad about Daddy. He was very excited to show his teacher too!

He has slept in his own bed for FOUR nights now! Wow! If you don't know, he has slept with me since Brian died. Most of it was for him, some of it was for me. I have tried to transition him back, but it hasn't worked. I am working really hard this time, and so far so good. He has enjoyed Amberlea climbing into bed with him to snuggle on a few nights, but last night she wasn't here, so he went to sleep on his own! The night before last she had snuggled with him, then got out of bed and climbed in bed with me. I didn't even realize it until I got up. Then when he was up and getting dressed, he came in, looked at her in bed, and said...WHAT is SHE doing in here! I fibbed a little and said she got in bed when she heard my alarm. He said...ok then, and had that look like he was going to be keeping track now!

The girls got everything to their rooms tonight for open house. I can barely fathom that Rachel is now in 7th grade and Amberlea is in 4th! They are both excited for another great year. Rachel is getting ready to start volleyball and be super busy for the next several months! Amberlea will start soccer soon also, and Tye will be doing soccer and flag football both.

My dad helped me out tonight with open house since I needed to be in my classroom. He took Tye for the evening, then brought him up for a light supper in the gym and on to my room. Dad hung out with Tye and me while Tye unpacked his school supplies. It has certainly been a few years since he's chased a kid around St. Gregory's! Thanks Dad for the help!

Argh Matey!

I just went shopping with my 9 year-old at Wal-Mart. It is always an event when she is with me alone. She has quite a personality. She had a shopping list with her that included a mango and coconut milk, which came from a late night discussion on foods from Hawaii! So...we ran into my secretary from school and were chatting. Amberlea came back with dried mango. Janet sent her son with Amberlea to find a fresh mango, and she is on cloud 9. Thanks Shawn!

And then she started talking pirate talk. I was cracking up. The cool as a cucumber checker was even cracking up because she makes for a pretty good pirate!

There was a pretty good storm tonight. Actually it still seems to be lingering. Amberlea always gets a bit wound up when the weather is like this...I think it makes her nervous.

Tomorrow I am heading back to school. I have a ton of work to do, so I can only hope to be productive!