My Weekend

I had a busy weekend. We had a professional development day on Friday, and I accomplished a lot. Friday afternoon, I headed south to Overland Park for a Mary Kay Career Conference. For those of you who don't know, I am an Independent Beauty Consultant with Mary Kay. My sister is a director. I've been with Mary Kay since October 2001, but have dawdled around and spent the majority of time just enjoying playing in the makeup, having a very small customer base, and mostly selling enough to pay for my own products. I am looking to branch out a little, build a larger customer base, and build some consistency. I hope to be able to make some extra money to build up some savings for the kids and me, share some with certain charities and our church, and hopefully have some fun money to take the kids on some trips. I just have to figure out how to make it all work. One of the biggest draws for me is the social side. I always feel good when I am involved in anything with Mary Kay, and I love getting to know so many other women.

And I am actually stepping forward with a promise I made to Brian. He always told me I didn't have the confidence to do some things he knew I could do. In several of our many talks near the end of our life, he would tell me what he wanted for my future. Those were very difficult talks, to be discussing a life without him. But he told me he would always be there with me, and he would keep cheering me on. He said he wanted me to do all I could to do the things I wanted to do, and not to let anything stand in my way. Right now I don't know what I want really. I love my teaching career. I have no intention of stepping away from that anytime soon. I actually right now want both. So I've opted to do some exploring to see how it might work for me, as it has for so many others. Interestingly, there are a lot of Mary Kay consultants that are also teachers (either because they were burnt out or because they were broke!).

So my Friday and Saturday were full of a lot of motivation. While a lot of the conference did center around Mary Kay and this amazing company, and all the details that go along with making a business work, there was so much more...a lot of motivation to change my life...a lot of motivation to be happy in anything I decide to do...a lot of motivation to simply get my life organized and be efficient and productive. I felt a profound sense of closeness to Brian. I had a few times I had to just stop thinking about him, to stop thinking about creating a life for me and the kids that did not include him....and then I realized that the last year has not included him. I am doing a lot of going in circles. I want to move forward, move on. I don't ever want to move past. I just want to move in a forward motion, in a motion that feels alive. I have hopes and dreams for a future. That future has been shattered. I sat and thought, regardless if it is shattered, it is still my future. This was not an epiphany by any means. This isn't the first or 10th or 100th time I've thought that I needed to do something to better our future, my future. I can't tell you the number of times I've felt the urge to do something that spits in melanoma's face...something to show that melanoma is not going to continue to hurt us, to hurt me.

Time will only tell what manifests from these feelings. I have already decided to make a list of things I need to accomplish each day and go from there. Mary Kay, as they say, is so much more than lipstick. And I felt a great sense of encouragement, mostly just to be the best that I can be, to be proud of the work I do. I hope I can do my part to turn my life around, to know that Brian would be proud of how strong I am.

I ended up in Lee's Summit for part of the weekend, following my uncle being readmitted to the hospital. I spent a lot of time with my cousin, and I am trying to do all I can to support her in this cancer journey. My uncle's cancer has progressed some, but they already have a plan in place to keep up the battle. It was great to see them all.

By the time I got back to town, it was almost 5pm tonight. That makes it difficult to start back a week when you were gone all weekend! Denise was here with the kids, and they had a great time. My house looks great, which makes me that much more motivated to do something good this week. Hopefully I can tackle the garage now that the rest of the house is looking so great! Rachel has been an amazing help around the house, and I am blessed to have 3 gr8 kidz! (and a gr8 mothr n law)!

I found a nail in my tire tonight, and it was causing a rapid air leak. I'm thinking I'm even more blessed to have made it hope safely before that became an issue.

I have my white van for sale, if you know of anyone who is looking.

Enjoy your week.