New Kind of Tanning Bed Ok'ed by Me

So I have officially approved a new so-called tanning bed, if you really have that desire to glow. People are out there itching to get that beautiful tan, while Brian is still dead and buried.
But Tye found the perfect solution. It is so perfect that I should charge you for this information.

He has the glow, that beautiful tan. He got it at school today. He got it even with sunscreen on. No burn, no blisters. Just plain beauty. From a distance, he had taken on that bronze coloring...

Well, until you got up close to him. At that point, it started to look more like that fake tanning lotion, you know the kind that turns you a slight shade of orange? It was like a spray on tan. And it was pretty darn even, until you looked at the knees, in which case one might discern that this tan came only from the dust, the golden dust of playground rocks. He said he got like that because he buried his legs in the rocks.

But he seriously looked like he had been on vacation in the Caribbean for a month. He even had a sock line!

I would take a picture and show you, but he just washed that dirty, grimy beautiful glow right down the drain with some good old soap and water.

I've got to tell you, I think he had a lot more fun getting his tan this way!

Sweet Grammie

Over the past several years, I have had to stop myself to even grieve for the loss of my own mother, so young...losing her was awful in itself, so sudden...yet compounded by how much love and support she had given me through my divorce, and then again during Brian's illness. Her death came out of nowhere, and I was land blasted, to say the least. I threw myself into trying to care for Brian, and any glimpse at grief for my mom was even worse because I so desperately needed to be held up. I remember crying my eyes out one day, and I couldn't remember if I was crying because my mom was dead or because Brian was dying. The two started to become interchanged some. My counselor finally told me I had to deal with them both together because they both happened together. Even so, I still am not completely sure I have followed a healthy grieving process for either of them.

Something happened tonight that made my heart flutter. It was odd. It was special. I was tucking Rachel in, and she said...have you ever noticed the smell of that closet. I was like, what? I walked toward her closet and she said...no, the other one. Before I could turn to get to her other closet (yes, she has 2 closets because her room used to be 2 small rooms)...she said...no, that other closet. She jumped out of bed and led me into the family room, then leaned into the small closet, which is where I keep blankets (it is just a small closet under the steps). She dug around and kept leaning in smelling. She said...do you smell that? I am sniffing around and thinking, um, no.

She back out of the closet and said...I can't smell it now either, but something in there smells like Grammie...I don't know what it is, but I can smell it.

My heart skipped a beat. I think mostly I was so happy that if something indeed does smell like my mom in there, she actually noticed and remembered. It is amazing, how our senses are connected to our memory. She went on to her room and I tucked her in. I've been in the closet 3 times now, digging around to see what is in there and basically just sniffing around! I don't smell anything. I kept thinking maybe something that reminded her of her house, or her perfume. So far, I can't find it.

I hope I do. But for now, I am just so happy that Rachel did.

Sweet Music to My Ears!

Well, I have decided as of today that there is just no sweeter sound than hearing the giggles and screams of laughter from my 3 great kids as I pushed them as hard as I could on a merry-go-round. That felt like pure joy to me!

And Amberlea added to the fun when she let out one heck of a fart in the midst of her laughter (she would die if she knew I put that on here, but since none of her friends read this, I'll go ahead)! That got Rachel and Tye pretty riled up too!

I had a great day today. Todd, Jamie and Trace came to visit, and Grandma and Grandpa tagged along. It makes me feel close to Brian to have them around. That is the 2nd time this week that Phillip and Denise surprised me because they showed up for Tye's ballgame on Tuesday night (it was rained out) by just ringing my doorbell. So it was great to get to see them twice in just a matter of days. I put Todd and Phillip to work today, and I always appreciate what they do to help me around the house. Denise is coming back for the weekend to help me get things ready for the big Eickholt Campout on the last weekend of May. I can sure put her to work, but I'm also looking forward to someone giving Tye lots of attention while I get some things done that are in desperate need of my attention.

And you just about can't beat the weather today. Now, if it would just stay like this for a while!

Hope you have a great week. I know I will, with only 4 1/2 days of school left. Yippee!

Take Me Out to the Ballgame

I must admit, I had a hard time feeling sad last night for Tye's first t-ball game because I was so darned excited. Maybe it's because my girls don't play softball; maybe it is just the Momma in me, enjoying the boy in Tye; maybe it was just because I knew Brian would be so proud. I missed him terribly, but I felt good to be in the bleachers, cheering Tye on. I know I don't have to be sad all the time, just so many things do make me sad. But last night was nice.

You'll get a kick out of this...his team is sponsored by an animal control company!

Little Shortstop! When the ball came to him, he ran and dove on the ground to stop it, then jumped up with it and threw it to 1st base! I was shocked. I mean, we've been practicing, and he's had team practice with Uncle TJ (his coach...yes, he is crazy and coaching Tye and Tori both!) But still, when he scurried after the ball and dove for it, I was jumping for joy!

If anyone batting would miss the ball or hit the tee, Tye would just shake his head. He nailed it both times he was up to bat.



Here he is, running from 1st to 2nd!

And then running in to touch home plate...
This is his only time touching home plate because on his second time around the bases, he was waiting on 3rd, and when the batter hit the ball, he took off running and went into the dugout. It was the last batter of the game, so I went over and said...hey, you forgot to go home! He looked surprised and then said...oops! The crowd got a good laugh, and I am happy to say that Tye was not the only one who did that!

Tye will easily be the one who gets penalties for excessive celebration. After he stopped the ball at shortstop, he danced a little jig.

We had spent the earlier part of the afternoon cleaning in the garage (not done, but some serious headway!). We kept super busy last night, and headed over to school to plant a tree right after Tye's game. Our good friends, the Holtmans, had purchased a tree to plant near the preschool playground in hopes of it providing shade for years to come. Thanks Holtmans, for taking such good care of us, and for helping us celebrate Brian's life.

Sonic or KFC, or Both?

I took the day off for my last personal day, as I don't get to convert mine to sick days and will lose it if I don't take it. The year really flew by and I can't believe I was actually having trouble finding a time to take off! My cousins and aunt were in town today to order the headstone for my uncle, so it made a good day for me to be off so I could spend some time with them. I finished some painting and lots of other house things, then enjoyed visiting for a long lunch.

On a whim, I decided to call out and see if the aquatic center at the university is open this month. They are open just during the week, and I asked the girls when I picked them up if they wanted to go. We had to run to the store to get a swim suit, and I hate to say, but it was a far stretch for a 12 year-old's swim suit...string bikini, um, no...one piece that is cut in on the sides almost to the belly button, um, nope. Finally found a basic black and white tank and bottoms that looks nice on her...definitely not worth the $24, but hey, she seriously needed something. So off we went...I am so hoping Tye might be able to be on swim team, and we had a great time playing and practicing. The next thing I knew, it was nearly 6:30. Rachel was supposed to go to youth group, but she has had a ton of homework during the last few weeks, especially tonight (darn sub, just kidding Susie!)...so we just decided spending time as a family was a lot of fun and she needed to do her homework.

On the way out to the van, Amberlea reminded me that she needed a sack lunch for her field trip to K.C. tomorrow. So I drove through Sonic and got supper because the kids were famished, then ran to Hy-Vee to get just a few quick items to complete her lunch. Rachel and Tye stayed in the van eating. We came back out and Amberlea got in to get her supper, and it was gone! She said...did you eat my food?! Tye just looked all innocent and said...I was hungry!

And all I could do was laugh.

The funny part is that Amberlea always BEGS to go to KFC. Tonight of all nights, she willingly had agreed on Sonic. I'm still laughing. I looked in the rearview mirror, and Tye was looking at me like...WHAT!? And Amberlea was looking at me like...I CAN'T BELIEVE HE DID THAT! So I giggled and said...how about KFC?

Ooo, yum, ok. So we drove through and got Amberlea some food, and she let Tye know when it came that she was going to eat all of it.

Overdue

I am way overdue for an updated post on here. I have been so busy that I can barely see straight. May is just so unbelievably crazy! School is just flying by, and while that is good to a point, I am struggling to get everything done!

We took the 5th and 6th graders on a field trip yesterday to Kansas City. We had a super day! We spent the morning volunteering at Operation Breakthrough, an inner city daycare. Wow! Then we went to Mass at the Cathedral and took a tour. I wish I could be there when the light comes through the rose window and reflects on the altar! We headed back to mini-golf in St. Joe. The weather was beautiful and the kids were well-behaved as usual, which made for a fun afternoon. We finished up with ice cream at Culver's, and we were headed back to the ville after a great time with friends. Rachel was of course on this field trip, and it was fun to spend the day with her.

Amberlea is quite disappointed that I can't go on her field trip next week. I have to stay in town because it is also preschool day in the lunchroom, and considering I am Tye's only parent, this is just not something I can miss.

Slap! Just another reminder.

The Mother's Day things are starting to get to me. I just can't believe my own mom has been dead for three years now! I read a post recently that said something like this...you realize you are no longer a child when you lose your own mother. So true! I admit that I have odd moments once in a while when I just want my mommy. You know, that funny butterfly feeling you got at school once in a while, or at a sleepover? It still happens to me once in a while, even at 35 years old. So all the commercials and advertisements on Mother's Day can be difficult.

Mother's Day seems to get to me in another sense too. Brian should be taking care of Mother's Day. He always took the kids and shopped, and he made decisions on what we would have for lunch. He coordinated the day, and it always felt good to be pampered. Now that responsibility rests on the shoulders of a 12 year-old.

Slap! Again, not fair to Rachel. I have to admit though, if she can get her ducks in a row about it all, she just beams with excitement!

She finally just asked me this week if I could loan her some money because she had lots of really good ideas. I choked back the tears and mostly just felt angry that she can't just do what normal kids do with Mother's Day. She is so amazing at trying to do things to make me feel special. So I just smiled and told Rachel I didn't expect her to get me anything. She said, but I want to. I took a deep breath and repeated to her what I read about a single father once...he had 2 young children, and he was blogging about how funny it was to give them money to buy him a present. He said he had just resigned himself that there was nothing else he could do about it. And I said, then just buy what you want and I'll pay you for it because you shouldn't have to borrow money to buy me something for Mother's Day. She lit up! How much can I spend? I responded...how much were you going to spend? (I could see the wheels turning). So we came to an agreement on what is reasonable.

Then came the issue of how she would get to the store. She told me she would put Amberlea on the back of her bike, and the two of them got a laugh. Abby has been very kind to do a lot of running for Rachel. I appreciate that she chooses to just do what is best for Rachel and Amberlea, and she is willing to help them with these types of things. Even so, I don't think she should have to be figuring out what her husband's ex-wife is getting for Mother's Day.

Rachel asked me what she should do about it. I told her if Abby was willing to do it, that was fine. Then I told her she was old enough and there were probably lots of others out there who would run her places if she just asked them. I told her she just needs to tell them what she needs. I think the responsibility falls on Abby sometimes because she is also watching out for them, knowing how devastated they would be if they didn't do anything for Mother's Day or my birthday or other times. So Rachel made a phone call today and Erin hauled the kids around for a while this morning while I played with Luke.

Slap! It didn't take away the pain of knowing there is no one to make sure this gets taken care of. I don't even know what got settled with the money side of it, which I don't really even care about.

The girls and Tye and I spent the afternoon at the Food Pantry, sorting food from the postal workers food drive today. It is always good work to spend time there.

Tye has his first tee ball game on Tuesday, which will be attended by Uncle Jacob, considering I have to be at a concert halfway through the game.

Slap, yet again! I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. But dang, I guess I'll never get the "you go one way, I'll go the other" parenting...and I just can't seem to spread myself around enough.