Overdue

I am way overdue for an updated post on here. I have been so busy that I can barely see straight. May is just so unbelievably crazy! School is just flying by, and while that is good to a point, I am struggling to get everything done!

We took the 5th and 6th graders on a field trip yesterday to Kansas City. We had a super day! We spent the morning volunteering at Operation Breakthrough, an inner city daycare. Wow! Then we went to Mass at the Cathedral and took a tour. I wish I could be there when the light comes through the rose window and reflects on the altar! We headed back to mini-golf in St. Joe. The weather was beautiful and the kids were well-behaved as usual, which made for a fun afternoon. We finished up with ice cream at Culver's, and we were headed back to the ville after a great time with friends. Rachel was of course on this field trip, and it was fun to spend the day with her.

Amberlea is quite disappointed that I can't go on her field trip next week. I have to stay in town because it is also preschool day in the lunchroom, and considering I am Tye's only parent, this is just not something I can miss.

Slap! Just another reminder.

The Mother's Day things are starting to get to me. I just can't believe my own mom has been dead for three years now! I read a post recently that said something like this...you realize you are no longer a child when you lose your own mother. So true! I admit that I have odd moments once in a while when I just want my mommy. You know, that funny butterfly feeling you got at school once in a while, or at a sleepover? It still happens to me once in a while, even at 35 years old. So all the commercials and advertisements on Mother's Day can be difficult.

Mother's Day seems to get to me in another sense too. Brian should be taking care of Mother's Day. He always took the kids and shopped, and he made decisions on what we would have for lunch. He coordinated the day, and it always felt good to be pampered. Now that responsibility rests on the shoulders of a 12 year-old.

Slap! Again, not fair to Rachel. I have to admit though, if she can get her ducks in a row about it all, she just beams with excitement!

She finally just asked me this week if I could loan her some money because she had lots of really good ideas. I choked back the tears and mostly just felt angry that she can't just do what normal kids do with Mother's Day. She is so amazing at trying to do things to make me feel special. So I just smiled and told Rachel I didn't expect her to get me anything. She said, but I want to. I took a deep breath and repeated to her what I read about a single father once...he had 2 young children, and he was blogging about how funny it was to give them money to buy him a present. He said he had just resigned himself that there was nothing else he could do about it. And I said, then just buy what you want and I'll pay you for it because you shouldn't have to borrow money to buy me something for Mother's Day. She lit up! How much can I spend? I responded...how much were you going to spend? (I could see the wheels turning). So we came to an agreement on what is reasonable.

Then came the issue of how she would get to the store. She told me she would put Amberlea on the back of her bike, and the two of them got a laugh. Abby has been very kind to do a lot of running for Rachel. I appreciate that she chooses to just do what is best for Rachel and Amberlea, and she is willing to help them with these types of things. Even so, I don't think she should have to be figuring out what her husband's ex-wife is getting for Mother's Day.

Rachel asked me what she should do about it. I told her if Abby was willing to do it, that was fine. Then I told her she was old enough and there were probably lots of others out there who would run her places if she just asked them. I told her she just needs to tell them what she needs. I think the responsibility falls on Abby sometimes because she is also watching out for them, knowing how devastated they would be if they didn't do anything for Mother's Day or my birthday or other times. So Rachel made a phone call today and Erin hauled the kids around for a while this morning while I played with Luke.

Slap! It didn't take away the pain of knowing there is no one to make sure this gets taken care of. I don't even know what got settled with the money side of it, which I don't really even care about.

The girls and Tye and I spent the afternoon at the Food Pantry, sorting food from the postal workers food drive today. It is always good work to spend time there.

Tye has his first tee ball game on Tuesday, which will be attended by Uncle Jacob, considering I have to be at a concert halfway through the game.

Slap, yet again! I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. But dang, I guess I'll never get the "you go one way, I'll go the other" parenting...and I just can't seem to spread myself around enough.